


One Hell of a Butler

by luckystars1015



Category: Gintama
Genre: Adult Age GinHiji (no underage stuff), Black Butler inspired, Butlers, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Intimacy, M/M, Masturbation, Robots, Slow Burn, dildo, hidden identity, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2020-01-25 15:49:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18577624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckystars1015/pseuds/luckystars1015
Summary: Black Butler-Inspired AUGintoki unwillingly becomes Edo's Most Wanted Terrorist overnight. As the police gives chase, the samurai escapes in a delivery truck carrying the most curious of packages: a high end robot butler that was set to be delivered to the mysterious Hijikata Manor. Seeing no other option, Gintoki decides to take the robot's place and lay low for at the manor while things calm down in Edo.But there is a lot more in store for him at the Hijikata Manor than poor Gintoki could ever realize.





	1. One Hell of a Robot

 

Gintoki has never regretted his white, wavy hair until this very moment. Most days, he never minded the attention, relished it, in fact. But when his hair made him stick like a sore thumb and allow a police officer to chase after him every five minutes, he _hated_ his silver, shining hair.

 

His silver hair was once his trademark, deeming him “Shiroyasha,” or the White Demon on the battlefield. The contrast of blood against the white of his hair and pale skin was a sight to behold. Throughout the long war, the silver-haired samurai was one of the greatest rebel leaders, but that was a time long since past.

 

Now with a country overrun with too many Amantos to kill, he adopted a new way of life. He had lost too much in the war, and he didn’t want to lose anything like that again. He was completely fine lounging around pachinko parlors, barely making enough money for food, and ending up shitfaced in a some pissed-filled alleyway. That was his life. He was completely fine with it, regardless of what that old hag Otose said about it.

 

But everything changed when the bastard Zura barreled back into his life. It had been years since he had since his comrade. Not since the day he had swung his sword for the last time in the Joui War.

 

That long-haired bastard had dragged Gintoki into a scheme that blew his life-style into smithereens. Literally. Gintoki had unknowingly delivered a package to the Amanto Embassy that had turned out to be a fucking bomb. Now he shot up right next to Zura on the “Most Wanted Terrorist List.”

 

Luckily, Gintoki’s wasn’t captured on camera since he had been wearing a face mask and sunglasses, but his white hair certainly was. Now wherever he went--a convenience store, a bar, or even his beloved pachinko parlor--someone would report him to the police.

 

This series of unfortunate events led us to this moment, as once again, Gintoki was dodging the cops, meandering through the streets of Edo. Luckily enough for him, he knew this area like the back of his hand. But the cops were pushing him further and further out of his comfort zone. Before long, he found himself running past the outskirts of his familiar city into a forested area. Hopefully he would have a better time hiding in the trees than in the streets of Edo.

 

The silver-haired samurai climbed the nearest tree when he heard the telltale signs of footsteps. The police were fast on his tracks. But Lady Luck finally seemed to be on his side today. A large delivery truck was coming up the road and if Gin timed it right, he could climb to the branch hanging over the road and hope onto the vehicle in a heartbeat.

 

One. Two. THREE. Gin landed onto the metal surface with a heavy thud, but the driver was listening to his radio too fervently, headbanging to the idol, Otsu-chan’s, new single. Suddenly the truck came to a stop and Gintoki’s heart dropped. Fear sank into his chest as he heard a couple of the same police officers stop the delivery truck.

 

“Excuse me, sir. Have you seen a silver-haired man in this area?”

 

The driver shook his head.

 

“Where are you headed off to?”

“I have a delivery to the Hijikata manor. If this doesn’t arrive by the end of the day, my boss will have my ass.”

 

The cop nodded. “Would it be alright if we opened the back of your truck to check?”

 

“Go right ahead, officer.”

 

The men opened the metal doors to the truck, but the only thing inside was a wooden box that was nailed shut. The inspector tried to pry the top off for good measure, but it held shut. There was no way the silver-haired fugitive could have possibly entered into the wooden box between now and the last time he was seen on foot. Right before the officer swung the doors close, Gintoki slipped in. He mentally slapped himself on the back for such an expert, sneaky move. Perhaps he should look into training as a ninja after this.

 

Satisfied, the officers sent the delivery driver on his merry way. Gintoki released the breath he had been holding. Didn’t they have better things to do than chase after him day after day? If this was where his taxes was going, he was hella pissed. Granted, he didn’t pay taxes, but if he did, he’d still be pissed.

 

Gintoki kicked the large wooden box. It eerily reminded him of a coffin. Curious, he pried the top open with his bokken and almost screamed bloody murder. It WAS a fucking metal coffin as a circular glass window featured a sleeping, lifeless head. The box opened without warning and steam came hissing out of it like a mechanical trap.

 

Gintoki couldn’t help but look at the deceased with a morbid fascination. The body was dressed in formal wear as if it had dropped dead at a gala. Actually, upon further inspection, Gintoki found something inexplicably inhuman about it. Even a dead human had something this odd “thing” lacked. Gintoki pushed back his fear and poked the face only to find the synthetic feel of silicone beneath his fingertip. Wait, looking at the packaging, he noticed that its body laid indented into styrofoam to protect it from damaging during the delivery.

 

After poking around for a bit, he found an instruction manual with the title “YOROZUYA-G1010: The Revolutionary Robot Butler.” Reading further into the description, it said: “Thank you for purchasing our product. We guarantee your satisfaction! The YOROZUYA-G1010 has been programmed with the ability to do over 10,000 tasks, making it the unique Jack-of-All-Trades in our series of robots. The Revolutionary Robot Butler can do anything from household chores to blah, blah, blah,” Gintoki finished boredly.

 

It was basically a robotic slave. The man who never had more than 1000 yen to his name rolled his eyes. This is the kind of shit rich people spent their money on?

 

A crazy idea came to mind. The craziest idea he’d had since trying to counterfeit pachinko balls. What if he were to take this robot’s place as a butler and lie low for a bit? He could pretend to be a robot butler for a couple of days. How hard could it be? Just listen to a couple commands, maybe “accidentally” malfunction, and get sent back to Edo for repairs. Gintoki knows that the entire city of Edo put up a perimeter block to capture him and Zura, so getting back while the cops were on high alert was next to impossible, and he was tired of constantly being on the run. This wasn’t his worst plan. Plus this robot looked pretty lifelike. If this machine could pass for a human, Gintoki could pass for a robot.

 

His heart set on his plan, he carefully undressed the robot down to its boxers and threw him out of the moving vehicle without remorse. He winced, seeing an arm or leg come flying off as it rolled down into a ravine. Luckily the area was deeply wooded so the robot’s remains wouldn’t be found for a long time. Let the agents of decay take care of it now.

 

The uniform fit Gintoki like a glove. It seemed like the robot’s physique almost mirrored Gintoki. The only difference was that with all the sugar Gintoki ingested, he had a few extra pounds on him. He gulped down his nervousness and step into the metallic coffin-like box. Even with the butler clothes, it was freezing. His bones were about to freeze solid if he stayed too long within the box. Fortunately, he felt the truck come to a halt. The doors open and before long, the box containing Gintoki was carried to its destination.

 

Gintoki felt a little sick being manhandled inside the box. Shouldn’t these people handle him with more care?! He could distinguish the sound of voices, but it was too muffled to understand anything. After what felt like eternity, he finally felt the box being placed on the ground again.

 

The wooden top came undone and light shone through the small glass pane atop of him. Hurrah! He was starting to think he’d never see the light of day again. Gintoki was dying of curiosity to see what kind of a person ordered a robot butler. He hoped it was a hot, rich heiress; he wouldn’t mind too much to be ordered around by someone like that.

 

But Gintoki kept his curiosity at bay and called on his samurai training to slow his heartbeat to a rate that rivaled the dead. He absolutely needed to or else he’d be caught.

 

As the metal lid opened, he heard the rustling of paper, possibly the instruction manual.

 

“Thank you for purchasing the YOROZUYA-G1010.” Gintoki almost jerked in surprise. Oh? It was a man? He couldn’t pinpoint the exact age, but the deep timbre of the voice put him anywhere between twenty- and forty-years old. The mysterious man continued reading much of the same product description that Gintoki had read earlier.

 

“You have bought the special _Ultimate_ model of the YOROZUYA-G1010, which includes special combat features as well as sex features. The _Ultimate_ model comes with a fully working penis--WHAT THE FUCK??”

 

‘WHAT THE FUCK, INDEED!?’ mirrored Gintoki mentally, who was inwardly having a meltdown. Did he just end up as another man’s robotic sex slave?! Oh dear god, he had voluntarily stepped into the box himself. This was single-handledly the worst escape plan Gintoki had ever been a part of and this was coming from the guy who crawled out of the shit pipes with Zura to escape prison.

 

The silver-haired man heard the mysterious stranger start pacing and dialing a phone. After three rings, the person on the other end picked up.

 

“WHAT IN GOD’S HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, SOUGO?!” the male screamed into the receiver.

 

A calm, unperturbed voice replied on speakerphone, “oh. It seems like you’ve received your new robot butler.”

 

“WHY ON _EARTH_ DID YOU ORDER IT WITH SEX FEATURES?!” the man yelled, his tone indicating that he was about to lose his mind. Gintoki breathe an inward sigh of relief. So this man hadn’t specifically bought a robot with the intent of making a sex slave out of it? Oh thank god this guy wasn’t a complete sicko. Gin-san still had his pride, you know--what little left of it.

 

“You specified you wanted a combat type, right? The sex features automatically comes with it. It was a packaged deal. Just think of it as an extra bonus. You don’t have to use the features if you don’t want to. I mean, I wouldn’t judge you if you did,” answered the other person on the other line in a nonchalant tone.

 

“I’M NOT GOING TO USE THEM!”

 

Gintoki wanted to plug his ears at this point. Did that man have any other volume than “EXTRA LOUD”?

 

“I _swear,_ Sougo, if anything weird happens, I’ll dismember this robot myself and have Kagura throw each of its pieces into all your windows,” the man threatened, enunciating every word to make his warning clear.

 

Hmm. Maybe his new temporary boss was a psycho after all. Things were not looking too good for Gintoki. But to be fair, did they ever?

 

The man promptly hung up and let out a sigh of the long-suffering. He continued reading the manual. “Your Revolutionary Robot Butler has come pre-installed with a unique name, appearance, and a personality based on the preferences that you had inputted before you bought this model,” the man scoffed. “Knowing Sougo, the bastard probably inputted the worst things to make my life harder with this robot. Why did I think to let him order this for me? God, if I hadn’t so busy--gah, whatever. The quicker I turn this on, the quicker I can decide whether or not to return it.”

 

“To turn on your new butler, please give him a k--k--ki--” The man couldn’t even finish whatever that last word was supposed to be before he chucked the instruction manual into the fireplace, his ears burning in mortification.

  
After awhile of listening to the man frantically pace back and forth, Gintoki finally felt the lid to his box opened.

 

The mysterious man hummed in a tone of assessment. “Not too shabby.”

 

The silver-haired samurai felt like that was a backhanded insult. _Not too shabby, his ass._ Naturally permed, silver hair that looked like a cloud settled on his head didn’t come by to easily, jackass.

 

The man kneeled down to the box, reaching out to touch Gintoki’s cold hand. He was finally close enough now that a strong smell of cigarettes wafted into the robot-imposter’s nose. He lifted Gin’s hand to turn it over and inspect the back of his hand, running his fingers along his skin. Since Gin’s had been in the refrigerator-like box for so long, it was actually pleasant to feel heat on his skin again.

 

“Wow, it’s so lifelike.”

 

‘That’s because I _am_ alive, you dumbass.’ Gintoki felt irked about being repeatedly referred to as “it.” It was like he was already losing his humanity.

 

The man slid his thumb over Gin’s wrists and down into his palm, drawing a few circles. Gin used every fiber of his being to hold back a shiver. There was something about the way he had slowly dragged his fingers across Gintoki’s skin that felt so _intimate._ The would-be butler couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched him like that. His parents died before he could even say his first words and a war was never the right place for something to share such intimacy.

 

Before he could contemplate about it anymore, he felt the strange man draw closer. _Too close_. One hand was still curled around Gintoki’s while another seemed to be clutching the edge of the box.

 

Gintoki felt the warm press of lips upon his cold ones. What the _fuck_ just happened.

 

Wait.

 

 _‘K--k--ki--’_ The word that the man couldn’t finish. Was it _kiss?!_ Was Gintoki supposed to wake up now? Like some kind of sleeping beauty? Was his life a fucking shoujo manga? Who the hell was coming up with this shit?!

 

Oh god. He was already in so deep. Might as well play completely along.

 

Slowly, Gintoki commanded his eyes to open like he just woke up from a thousand-year slumber. His wine red eyes met shocked, crystal blue ones and he almost flinched at how captivating they were. At such close vicinity, he could almost distinguish flecks of indigo swimming in them. The man drew back in surprise and Gintoki finally got a good look at his new master.

 

A man with hair darker than coal and a blushing face stared speechless back at him. Now Gintoki wouldn’t typically say this about another man, but he couldn’t deny the fact that the man gaping like a fish was quite… handsome. He was wearing a black yukata with golden swirls at that hem of the sleeves and bottom of the outfit. It was actually eerily reminiscent of his own white and blue swirl yukata that he had hidden inside the box. And it wasn’t like Gintoki was paying close attention, but his yukata had opened up to reveal an ample amount of collar bones that trailed down to well-toned abs.

 

“What’s your name?” the man asked in slight trepidation, still not believing that this was happening.

 

The silver-haired samurai almost forgot the answer to that question. “Gintoki.”

 

“I’m Hijikata Toshiro,” the man responded gruffly, “your new master.” He said the last words with the confidence befitting of such a word.

 

Looking at the blushing fool before him, Gintoki wondered if maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as he thought.


	2. One Hell of a Mayo Freak

The silence that persisted in the room was heavy enough to choke a man. The two were now standing face to face, sizing each other up. It was odd. The two men were the exact same height, and of relatively similar builds. But they were opposites in every other way. Where white haired defied the laws of gravity, black hair smoothed down to the nape of the other’s neck. A string of unmistakable electricity connected ruby red eyes to sapphire blue ones. 

 

Gintoki had no idea what to say next, still struggling to find the right balance between robot and human. Thankfully, Hijikata cleared his throat, lifting the stale silence. 

 

“So what’s your fuel source?”

 

Hmm. What would a robot say? “I’m solar powered.”

 

Wait! Gintoki was still a human! “In addition to… sugar!”

 

Hijikata scrunched his face in disbelief. “What are you, a plant?” He said with a hint of sarcasm. 

 

If bullshitting was a class, Gintoki would have flown through school with all A’s. “Yes! My structure is very similar to that of a plant. I’ll need sunlight, water, but most importantly sugar to sustain myself. The manufacturer suggested strawberry milk as the best fuel source. But of course, I can still eat regular meals like other humans as a supplementary energy source.”

 

The black-haired man looked at Gin with suspicion, but shrugged his shoulders nonetheless, not really caring about the superfluous details of his new robot. “Fine. I’ll have the cook order a shipment of strawberry milk.”

 

What was this fluttering in his chest? Did Gintoki just find himself a Sugar Daddy? In the literal sense of the word? As he daydreamed about bathing in strawberry milk, Hijikata made a move to exit the office they were in. Gintoki followed him in haste, jogging to meet his pace. 

 

Hijikata spoke as they walked down the hallway, “you have two main objectives as a butler for this house. First, you’ll occasionally help out around the manor. The only other staff is a maid and a cook, so you can go to them for tasks and chores. The more important job is to accompany me and the other two on outside jobs.”

 

Gintoki furrowed his eyes in confusion. “What kind of jobs?”

 

Hijikata paused, hesitating. “It varies.” He drew a pipe from his yukata sleeve and lighter with it. Licking his lips, he lit the pipe and began smoking it. Gintoki couldn’t resist zeroing in on his new master’s tongue as it slid back to hide between his now wet lips. 

 

The black-haired man took in a long drag and blew out a puff of smoke. “I guess I might as well tell you since you’ll essentially be my right hand man. I take my orders directly from the shogun.”

 

“You’re the shogun’s  _ dog?!,” _ Gintoki could not help his outburst. His blood ran cold. This was the same shogunate who had bent so easily under the pressure of the Amanto while Gintoki fought viciously in the battlefield, up to his knees in the blood of his comrades and enemies?! The man before him was essentially the shogun’s bitch?! And since now Gintoki worked under the Hijikata name, he took on that mantle as well. The blood of the survivor of the Joui War boiled. He needed to leave the first chance he got. 

 

Hijikata scoffed, yet did not seemed offended or surprised that his new butler said such a thing. “Did Sougo program you to say that? It figures since he’s never approved of my  _ occupation. _ That kid hates the shogun with a passion.”

 

He took another drag from his pipe. “I can’t help it though. My family has been working in the shogunate’s shadows for generations.”

 

Shadows? How edgy. “So you’re like ninjas?” Gintoki mocked. 

 

The eye roll Hijikata gave Gintoki should have won an award.  _ “No, _ not like ninjas. We have more class than them.”

 

The ring of a grandfather clock echoed along the walls of the hallway interrupting the conversation. Hijikata turned his head to the sound, and Gintoki couldn’t help but trace the sharp outline of his jaw. 

 

“Looks like it’s almost tea time.” 

 

“Tea time?” asked Gin in a perplexed tone. 

 

“Oh, sorry. The British refer to dinner time as ‘tea time.’ I just came back from a visit to distant cousin in England. That trip was what actually pushed me to get a butler. My cousin had a rather extraordinary one who, of course, wasn’t as sloppy looking as you.”

 

A vein almost popped on Gintoki’s forehead. That last part was not necessary. 

 

“Go to the kitchen and help the cook set up my dinner. It’s the last door to the left. Ask him any questions you have. He’ll explain it better than I can.”

 

“Okay, Oogushi-kun.”

 

Hijikata balked at the silver-haired butler. “What did you just call me?! Did you already forget my name?! Don’t tell me they sent me a defective model!”

 

Gintoki straightened up immediately, realizing his mistake. He couldn’t get sent back to Edo. Not now. Not yet. He swallowed his pride and wracked his mind for ideas of what servants would typically say. What was that one movie he had accidentally watched because he entered the wrong theatre and was too lazy to leave? The Princess Bride? Of course, he ended up crying like a baby when the credits rolled, but no one needed to know that. 

 

The silver-haired butler gave a deep bow as his forearm came to his gut, mimicking what many butlers have done before him.

 

“As you wish.”

 

Hijikata almost dropped his pipe in surprise, looking at the robot who had suddenly increased his charisma level by tenfold. If Gintoki had rose a moment sooner, he would have seen a light blush dusting the cheeks of his new master. But the black-haired man turned away too soon, returning to the comfort of his office. 

  
  
  


\---

Gintoki walked into a sterile white kitchen with too many appliances to count. His eyes caught movement of a white-clad figure, camouflaged against the blank walls.

 

“Hey,” casually greeted Gintoki, still not too used to the expected formalities of a butler. Give him some credit, it wasn’t like he had trained his whole life for this.

 

The person he presumed to be a cook almost dropped his plate. It was a bespectacled teenage boy about half a head shorter than him. With no distinguishing features other than his glasses, the visage of the boy screamed “plain”.

 

“Oh! You scared me! Are you the new robot butler that Hijikata-sama ordered?”

 

Gintoki nodded. 

 

“Well, hello. My name is Shinpachi Shimura.” He walked over to Gintoki and bowed slightly as a sign of greeting. Inspecting Gin closer, he commented, “Wow, you’re almost like a real person.” 

 

The robot-impostor’s annoyance spiked. Being denied his humanity was harder than expected.

 

“My name is Gintoki,” he replied, ignoring the comment. A question sprung into his mind.

 

“Hey, are you and the maid humans?”

 

Shinpachi looked surprised by the question. “Yes. Why?”

 

“How come the master got a robot butler instead of employing a human one?”

 

The glasses boy started shifting in nervousness, scratching the back of his head. “That’s a difficult question.” He paused, wracking his mind for an appropriate response.

 

“I assume that Hijikata-sama has already told you what kind of business he’s involved in. Well, giving the seriousness of what he does, Master has developed a bit of trust issues.”

 

“Then how come he hired you two?”

 

A ghost of a smile crossed Shinpachi’s face, and he looked lost in nostalgia. “That’s a story for another day.” He turned around to place a well-done steak sprinkled with some garnishes on a silver platter. “It’s dinner time now. Will you take this out to Hijikata-sama? And make sure you take a bottle of mayonnaise out of the fridge before you leave,” he handed the platter over to Gin. “I’ll have a separate meal made for you in the servants quarter next door. I was briefed that your body can process normal human food, but needed extra sugar intake, right?”

 

Gintoki, surprised at the flood of information, could only nod in response. But he was also surprised at how  _ nice _ this boy was. The silver-haired samurai couldn’t even remember the last time he’d ever been fed a home cook meal. Actually, he didn’t think such an occasion ever occurred. 

 

Quickly fetching a bottle of mayonnaise, Gin took the platter and made his way to the dining room, where Hijikata sat at the end of a long table. The room was rather small, suited for more intimate occasions, but it still looked spacious with the black-haired male being the sole occupant. It was almost… lonely. 

 

He placed the meal in front of the man reading a newspaper. Gintoki cleared his throat while holding the white condiment in his hand like it was a pepper shaker. 

 

“Would you like mayo on your steak, sir?” Gintoki offered. Wait, mayo didn’t usually go with steak, right? Maybe it was a rich people trade secret. Hijikata put away the newspaper and gave a small grunt of approval. 

 

The silver-haired butler squeezed a thin trail of mayonnaise onto the plate, going side to side for good measure. Even he knew aesthetic was worth half of your appetite. 

 

“More,” commanded Hijikata. 

 

Gintoki went back over with a thicker line of mayo. 

 

_ “More.” _

 

Okay. This was getting a bit on his nerves but he smiled through his irritation. Master knew best. 

 

He squeezed what he thought to be a luxurious amount of the white condiment onto the steak. At this point, Gin was sure that it was one drop away from being completely ruined by the fatty substance. 

 

“MORE!” 

 

What the  _ fuck _ was wrong with this self-entitled FUCKER! Gintoki lost control and was washed away in the flood of anger and he squeezed the bottle with all his strength, squirting every last bit of mayo onto the steak. It now literally looked like an albino dog had taken a huge, white shit onto Hijikata’s dinner. Something like that  _ should _ have completely disgusted the lord of the house,  _ if _ he were a normal person. 

 

But instead of throwing his ruined meal across the room and dismembering Gintoki on the spot, Hijikata just fixed his napkin to function as a bib and dug into the meal. His butler threw up a bit in his mouth, watching the master take a put a spoonful of more mayo than steak into his mouth. 

 

The disgusted servant left the dining room with a terse “please enjoy your meal,” not being able to take the sight of his master chowing down on dog food for a second longer. 

 

Gin bursted through the doors of the servant’s dining room. “What the  _ hell _ is wrong with that mayo pervert?!”

 

Shinpachi looked taken aback. Oh shit, Gin shouldn’t have insulted their master like that. Without prompt, the bespectacled cook threw his head back in laughter.

 

Were all the people of this estate insane?! Was there asbestos in the walls?!

 

“S-sorry,” Shinpachi regained his breath, “I heard that you develop your personality based on our master, but I didn’t think you would learn so quickly. You sounded exactly like him!”

 

Gintoki took that as an insult. Who would ever want to be likened to that mayo freak?!

 

But all his frustration dissolved when he saw the man’s best creation: strawberry milk. He almost melted on the spot. There stood a pink cartoon of his reason for living next to a bowl of rice and chicken. 

 

The fugitive-in-disguise wolfed down the meal without a second thought and thanked Shinpachi. The boy blushed a bit, embarrassed at the show of gratitude. 

 

“Oh! That’s right. You haven’t met Kagura yet! She’s out walking Sadaharu, our manor’s guard dog right now.”

 

“I didn’t picture Hijikata as the kind of man who would waste his time on a dog.”

 

“He really isn’t. But Kagura had begged the master for weeks until he finally caved. I know Hijikata-sama has a bit of a rough exterior, but he’s very good to us.”

 

Gintoki scoffed, doubtful. His exterior was rough enough to sand every bit of patience Gin had. In the short time that he had pretended to be this guy’s robot butler, he had already insulted him from top to bottom, threatened to dismember him, throw him away, or a combination of all three. 

 

Hijikata didn’t seem to be the type to smile, or have any expression for the matter. The V-shaped bangs bastard should be the one walking around, posing as the robot butler. He was so emotionless, he already had the robot part down. 

 

Whatever. Gintoki wouldn’t have to think about the guy’s stupid (albeit attractive) face after he left. 

 

“Man, I’m beat. Where can I take a shower?” 

 

Shinpachi gave the fake-robot man a weird look. 

 

“To wash off my new robot smell! You how robot butlers smell so much like the manufacturers when they’re just opened!” Gin quickly added to shoo away his suspicion. 

 

Shinpachi still looked doubtful, but made a move to put the dirty dishes in the sink. They both exited the servants quarters and made several twists and turns before arriving at a particularly ornate hallway. 

 

“The master’s room is at the end.” He scratched his head, growing a bit nervous for some reason. “I-I guess as Hijikata-sama’s…  _ companion…  _ you should take the adjoining room.”

 

Why did the kid hesitate so much at the word “companion”? Also, why was he blushing? Wanting to get away before this situation got any weirder, he exchanged evening pleasantries and walked towards his new room. 

 

When he stepped in, he let out a wolf whistle. Man, being a rich person’s bitch sure had its quirks. The room was way bigger than his entire apartment above the old hag’s bar. Large windows let the light of the moon filter in. Books lined the shelves. Looking at the old, leather covers, he knew it’d be too ambitious to expect some Shounen Jump issues. 

 

Not wanting to be in his stuffy butler suit any more, he quickly stripped and stepped into the bathroom. Even the shower was befitting of the rich. It was spacious enough to qualify as a private onsen. There was a shower area, a small pool, and a bathtub sitting at the center. Gintoki let out an audible sigh of relief as the hot water washed away the aches of his muscles. 

 

To think that he had spent the half the day running away from the police, stuck in a refrigerator-like box for almost an hour, and landed himself a job of a robot butler in a rather unsavory way. 

 

He dried himself off and put on the only article of clothing that was his, a pink strawberry patterned pair of boxers. 

 

As he was about to leave, he noticed that there were two doors. Wait, which one did he come through again? Not really willing to care about it much, he randomly chose one. 

 

What greeted him at the other side of the door was the visage of a stupefied Hijikata. 

 

Oh yea, didn’t the kid say that the room was adjoined to this guy’s room?

 

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING USING MY SHOWER?!” Hijikata screamed as he throw several books sitting on the table next to him. His blushing face matched Gintoki’s pink strawberry boxers. A book collided with his forehead and Gin howled in pain. 

 

“Wait! The kid put me in the adjoining room!”

 

“WHY THE HELL WOULD HE DO THAT?!” The embarrassed master of the house yelled impossibly louder. 

 

Gintoki was this close at throwing a projectile at his new master’s throat to shut him up. “He told me it was because I’m your ‘companion,’” he said, putting the last word in air quotes. 

 

Hijikata’s face sank into his palm. “Oh my god, Sougo told him about your  _ special _ features. My own cook is trying to set me up.”

 

The light bulb finally flicked on in Gintoki’s head. 

 

Oh. Well this became a hundred more times awkward. He was deliberating throwing himself out the window to flee this suffocating embarrassment when Hijikata let out a long sigh. His shoulders drooped, as if dropping his pretenses as well. 

 

“Might as well develop a nightly routine.” Hijikata said, sounding too tired to care about the people continuously giving him a headache when they weren’t even in the room. 

 

Still blushing, he walked closer to the bed and said, “help me out of my yukata.”

 

Gintoki kept himself from rolling his eyes. Were rich people just glorified children who could barely take care of themselves? The “B” in butler apparently also stood for “babysitter”.

 

Hijikata lifted his arms as Gintoki stepped behind him, untying his yukata sash. His yukata came undone and the collar began slipping down, exposing a good amount of the black-haired lord’s shoulders. Although Hijikata was facing away from his butler, Gin could tell by the red tips of his ears that his master wasn’t as calm as he tried to appear. 

 

The dial to Gintoki’s sadism turned up  _ just _ a bit. Wanting to enact a little revenge for the shit his master put the silver-haired man through today, he purposely ran his fingers along the nape of Hijikata’s neck, along his shoulders, and down to his biceps before allowing the garment to drop to the floor. He felt the man shiver beneath his fingertips. His plan backfired when the feeling of Hijikata’s cool, smooth skin went straight to his dick. 

 

Drawing close to his ear, the butler whispered, “what next, master?”

 

“Get into bed.” 

 

Hijikata turned around with no warning and pushed Gintoki unceremoniously onto the bed. What the—? Did they just switch positions?

 

“What are you doing?!” 

 

“Sampling you,” Hijikata replied as it were the most normal thing in the world. 

 

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gintoki was many things but a bottom was not one of them. He was  _ this _ close to knocking Hijikata out and fleeing with his asshole virginity intact when the black-haired man drew the covers over both of them. 

 

After a few seconds of fumbling with the large bedsheets, he felt Hijikata draw closer. Wordlessly, he placed his head on the butler’s shoulders, his hair tickling Gintoki’s neck. Actually, half of Hijikata was splayed upon Gintoki’s body. Was this guy secretly a koala?! After a moment or two, Hijikata began running his fingers along the deep ridges of Gintoki’s abs, outlining the muscles. 

 

The drag of his finger left a trail of fire on Gintoki’s skin. The trail spread like wildfire across his skin, and he was thankful that the darkness hid his full-body flush. There it was again—the unfamiliar yet not unwanted intimacy. 

 

“You’re really warm.” Hijikata whispered into the moonlit night. 

 

Gintoki couldn’t do anything but shudder as his master spread his palm, running it along the side of his waist, dragging it across his pecs before settling atop his chest, right where his heart was threatening to burst forth.

 

“I can’t believe they gave you a heart” were the last words that left Hijikata’s lips before he fell asleep, his soft snores filling the too silent room. 

 

“I can’t believe I have one either,” said Gintoki to no one. 


	3. One Hell of a Fight Club

As the rays of the morning sun pulled Gintoki out of sleep, he wished his eyelids could function as blackout curtains. His brain replayed the incidents from yesterday. The fugitive was pursued endlessly by the police. He jumped onto the delivery truck, found what he thought was a dead body. Turned out to be a robot butler and--

 

The feel of a pair of lips pressed against his jolted him out of his thoughts. His eyes slowly opened and the visage of crystal blue eyes greeted him. Eyes that he wished to both swim in and punch in irritation.

 

“Oi, what kind of butler doesn’t wake up before his master?”

 

Punch. Gintoki definitely wanted to punch his master’s annoying face. He grumbled nonsensities, not willing to arise just yet. It must be barely six in the morning, judging by his body’s internal clock. Only a demon would wake up this early to wreak havoc on the earth, so of course Hijikata was awake.

 

The silver-haired butler watched his lord walk to the closet to get dressed and ran his eyes along the sinewed shape of his back. His morning reminder that he was indeed a man pulsed and he groaned, feeling like he regressed back to a horny teenage boy. Not fair. Not fair at all. Why was the most infuriating person in the world such a hot piece of ass?

 

“Go get my sword from my office and meet me at the entrance.”

 

“As you wish,” Gintoki mumbled sleepily. He quickly grabbed his clothes of the floor and smoothed the wrinkles out of his butler uniform.

 

After getting lost for about ten minutes, he finally found the office and made his way to entryway of the manor. Hijikata stood there, smoking in the literal and metaphorical sense. The butler almost drooled at the sight of his lord, adorned in stark black with a white ascot wrapped around his neck. His stoic master was dressed from head to toe in crisp uniform and it provided a sharp contrast to the loose, elegant yukata he had worn yesterday.

 

Gintoki walked to the edge of the entryway, which was a few inches off the ground, and handed the sleek, black sword over to his master, completing his look. They stared at each other for a moment too long.

 

Just when the butler thought his master was going to turn around and leave, Hijikata reached out to grab Gintoki’s tie to pull him down into a surprise kiss. The silver-haired butler could only sputter in embarrassment and confusion when Hijikata let him go.

 

“You looked like you wanted a goodbye kiss,” his master said with a maddening smirk and left Gintoki paralyzed at the entrance, blushing like a tomato.

 

Completely lost in his own world, the samurai hadn’t sensed the arrival of a new player to the scene. A red-haired girl in a monochrome maid outfit poked Gin on the cheek, asking “hey, are you overheating? Your face is completely red. Want me to douse you with water to cool you down?”

 

Her insistent poking finally brought Gintoki back down from the clouds. “Who the hell are you?!”

 

The girl placed her hands on her hips and pouted, “hey! That’s rude! I’m Kagura! Since I’ve been here longer, I’m technically your senpai!”

 

The silver-haired samurai was about to shoot back a childish retort when a headache blinded him and it suddenly felt too moist. Smelled terrible too.

 

“Sadaharu! Bad dog! The new butler isn’t a chew toy! Let him go!” Kagura commanded.

 

Gintoki got his vision back and turned around to see a white dog almost larger than him. What the fuck?! Was this the manor’s guard dog?! What fresh hell did this monster crawl out of?

 

Kagura stepped closer to inspect Gintoki and pointed to the head injury that he just received from her monsterous pet. “Huh? Are you bleeding? Aren’t you supposed to be a robot?” Kagura questioned, growing slightly suspicious.

 

“Noooooooo,” Gintoki dragged out, “this is _oil._ It’s just colored like blood to make me more human.” The maid thankfully just accepted the bold-faced lie.

 

“So did you sleep with master?” Kagura asked without missing a beat.

 

Gintoki almost choked on air.

 

“O-oi! A young girl shouldn’t say things like that!”

 

Kagura just shrugged, not really caring about what was or wasn’t inappropriate for a girl her age. She was a Yato after all. The same earth rules didn’t apply to her.

 

“So did you top? Master looks like a bottom.”

 

Gintoki did choke this time.

 

“I mean with hair like that, he’s not exactly a top.”

 

Was Gintoki going crazy or did that actually make sense?!

 

The sound of footsteps grew louder, announcing the entrance of Shinpachi. The bespectacled boy’s appearance saved Gintoki from what had to be the worst encounter of his life. “Good morning, Gin-san! Seems like you’ve met Kagura-chan and Sadaharu!”

 

Desperately wanting to change the subject, the silver-haired butler said, “Morning, Shinpachi. Master left without giving me any orders for the day. Where did he go anyway?”

 

“Hmm, probably out to receive his new assignment.”

 

Gintoki’s eyes darkened, understanding the implication. “This is what the taxpayer money goes towards?”

 

Shinpachi and Kagura gave each other a quick look before returning their gaze unto this rather odd robot butler.

 

“Wooow, Sougo-sama really _was_ the one who programmed you,” Kagura remarked.

 

“Gin-san, I know that Hijikata-sama is involved in many unsavory dealings on behalf of the shogunate, but he himself is a good man,” Shinpachi said, trying to defend his master.

 

The cook continued, “my sister and I are greatly indebted to the lord. He had saved our home from the illegal dealings of real estate agent working with the yakuza. After saving our dojo, he even offered me this job during a time when samurai and their descendants are left in the streets to rot under the feet of Amanto.”

 

Kagura nodded before adding her own story, “I’m an illegal Yato alien. After I landed on Earth, I got involved with yakuza who only wanted to abuse my strength. When Hijikata-sama went to investigate, instead of arresting and deporting me, he gave me this job to legally stay here on Earth. Now I get three meals a day!”

 

That last part didn’t seem like much of a brag but the rest of what these brats were saying sounded sincere enough.

 

“Master may seem really prickly on the outside but he’s actually a softy. He’s a yandere!” Kagura said with utmost confidence.

 

Shinpachi sweatdropped. “I think you mean _tsundere,_ Kagura-chan.” He turned back to Gintoki, “per your earlier question, we have the day off, but we will probably accompany Master out tonight.”

 

Gintoki hummed in acknowledgement. He would give time to think about what these kids said about the mysterious lord of the manor and judge him for himself.

 

\--

 

The day passed by in the blink of an eye. As the sun dipped beneath the horizon, the rumble of Hijikata’s car sounded from the driveway. Gintoki greeted his master at the door and followed him back to his office.

 

“Yorozuya, sit down.” Gintoki quickly wiped the look of confusion when he remembered that was his particular ‘model’. Wait, was this bastard refusing to say his name?

 

The silver-haired butler watched in curiosity as his master riffled through his desk drawer to pull out a small cylindrical container the size of his palm. He stepped in front of Gintoki and open the jar to dip two fingers in the viscous substance. Whoa… was that lub--nope, it was hair gel as evident by the fact that Hijikata was now combing Gintoki’s silver hair with his fingers. Gintoki found himself lost in the sensation of his master running his long fingers through his hair, shuddering as his nails lightly scratched his scalp. It was too foreign of a feeling for someone other than a hairdresser to do something like this.

 

“Where we’re going, I can’t have such a sloppy-looking butler at my side.” Hijikata stepped back to admire his work and nodded in approval. “Go change into your white uniform and grab your weapon. They should be in your room since Kagura moved your packaging box into it.”

 

Gintoki felt irked that he was being ordered around like a manservant, but unfortunately this was his current fate. He returned to his room and rummaged through the box and found a white butler uniform, an exact opposite of his current one. He dug a bit more through the sides and found his trusty bokken, apologizing to it for abandoning it in the box.

 

When he dressed himself and took a gander of his new look in the mirror, he couldn’t help but wolf-whistle at his slick reflection. Gin-san cleaned up quite nicely. It had been ages since his bangs weren’t hanging over his eyes and he loathed to thank Hijikata for the improvement in his looks. But even Gintoki had to admit that he looked _fine as hell_ with his white hair and stark white butler uniform. The outfit accentuated Gintoki’s physique in all the right places, from his broad shoulders to his tighter waist.

 

The all-white butler fidgeted with his tie as he strolled down the main corridor to meet Hijikata at the end. Hijikata stood paralyzed at the sight of the blinding white figure of his butler. The cigarette resting in between Hijikata’s lips almost fell to the floor, his mouth agape in shock. Gintoki stepped towards the edge, holding his master’s attention captive as he did so.

 

Gin grew brazen at the effect that he had on this indignant chain smoker. He stole the cigarette right from Hijikata’s lips and took a long drag. In one breath, he blew out the smoke into his master’s face. In another, he closed the maddening distance between their lips.

 

“You looked like you wanted a good luck kiss,” the butler said, mirroring his lord’s haughty taunt from this morning.

 

Hijikata snapped out of his trance and was one second away from upper-cutting his servant for his impudence when Kagura and Shinpachi arrived to the scene.

 

Gin almost didn’t recognize the two kids in non-monochrome colors. Shinpachi was dressed in blue like he was headed to kendo practice and Kagura looked like she just came back from a vacation to China during Lunar New Years.

 

“Why are you guys dressed like that?”

 

“We’re in our civilian clothes since we need to blend in.”

 

Gintoki grew confused, gesturing down at his blinding white uniform. “Then how come I’m dressed like this?”

 

“Because I need you by my side,” answered Hijikata simply as he turned around and left through the front doors.

 

If Gintoki were a weaker man, he would have blushed. How the hell can the bastard say such… _embarrassing_ things without blinking an eye?! Did he have no shame?!

 

Shinpachi chuckled a bit at the scene. “Most Edo elites already know who Hijikata-sama is, so you would catch everyone’s eye regardless of what you wear if you’re going with Master.”

 

The four of them stepped into a sleek black limo with four seats facing each other. The driver was unseen in the front, separated by a soundproof and opaque tinted glass. Kagura and Shinpachi sat next to each other while Gintoki took his rightful place next to their master.

 

Hijikata spoke as he handed out folders with details of their mission. “We’re going to do some recon tonight. Our target is the strongest fighter of the underground fighting ring ‘Rengokukan’. His name is Kidomaru and he’s been the champion for a year now. Currently the illegal fight club has been untouchable because of the Amanto owner’s close ties to the shogunate. The police haven’t been able to do a single thing.”

 

The silver Joui War veteran inwardly scoffed. Of course the shogunate was merely a puppet for the Amanto. Gintoki stopped trying to imagine a world without the Amanto a long time ago. He wasn’t like Zura, fighting for a world that could no longer exist. The Amanto had buried their roots deep within Japan’s soil and you couldn’t rip out these aliens without tearing apart the entire foundation.

 

“Are we planning to kill him?” Gintoki said bluntly.

 

“Depends.”

 

“On what.”

 

“What I decide.” Hijikata stated, matter-of-factly. The butler rolled his eyes. Figures.

 

After a half hour drive, the car pulled over to the side of road. Although it was dark, Gintoki could distinguish a house in between the trees. They stepped quietly, careful to not alert any one of their trespassing.

 

“Yorozuya,” Hijikata whispered, “go up to the house and see if anyone’s home.”

 

Ugh, why was he the one sent to killer’s home?! Oh yea, robots were considered expendable. Gintoki could do nothing but follow his master’s order and attempted to sneak to the side of the house. It was a Japanese-styled home with wooden floors and beaten down shoji doors. As he was about to slide the door, he felt a sharp jab in his butt of all places.

 

“What the fuck?!” The silver-haired samurai shot up howling in surprise, clutching his hurt butt cheek as he did so.

 

A deep voice called out behind him. “Who are you and what are you doing trespassing into my home?”

 

Gintoki put his hands up in a disarming gesture. The man was monstrous in size, almost double the height of Gin. There was no doubt this was Kidomaru. Frantically searching for an answer, he spat out, “Hello! Would you like to switch your telephone service to a long-distance line?”

 

Kidomaru glared at the intruder with suspicion in his eyes, “does this look like a house with a telephone line? We’re in the middle of nowhere with no electricity.”

 

“Well, I’m sorry for intruding you on this lovely night. I won’t impose any further.” Just when Gintoki was about to make a dash for his life, the shoji doors slid open behind him.

 

A small boy not even reaching the butler’s knees called out, ‘papa!”

 

The underground champion did something that Gintoki wouldn’t have expected in a hundred years. He smiled. What Gin thought to be a bloodthirsty killer knelt down and scooped the boy up into his arms. “Yes, I am here.”

 

Soon after, a bunch of other children clambered out of the house to climb atop their father like a tree. With his strength, Kidomaru simply let them, not bothered in the slightest. It was like having kittens claw their way up.

 

As Gintoki was about to open his mouth to worm his way out of this odd situation, a yelp from the bushes stole everyone’s attention. In the blink of an eye, the familiar white fur of Sadaharu was lit under the moonlight.

 

“Goddamnit Kagura! I told you to leave the dog at home!” His master’s yells came through between the trees. Looks like their cover was completely blown now.

 

Kagura jumped out of the bushes to hug her beloved dog around the neck. “He must have followed us without me knowing! Oh Sadaharu, you must love me so much!!” Even with Hijikata’s anger directed towards her, she couldn’t help gushing over her pet.

 

All the kids aboard Kidomaru jumped off and ran squealing towards the large fluffy dog.

 

Kidomaru narrowed his eyes at the approaching figures of Hijikata and Shinpachi. “Are these your telemarketer friends?”

 

Gintoki gulped, but thankfully, Hijikata walked up and said, “let’s cut the crap. We know you’re Kidomaru, the top fighter of Rengokukan.”

 

Said fighter crossed his arms and replied, “well, after tonight, I will no longer hold that title, so you can take your business elsewhere.”

 

Hijikata eyes grew wide in surprise. “What do you mean?”

 

“I won’t lie. I am a bad man. My hands are stained with my opponents’ blood from the many death matches I have fought in that underground arena. But I have finally saved enough from my earnings to start a new life with my kids.”

 

Gin looked at the dozen or so brats playing with Kagura and Sadaharu. “You really got around during your younger days, didn’t you? You know there are cond--” Hijikata smacked him upside the head before he could finish his crude statement.

 

Kidomaru shook his head. “No, these are not my children. Not by blood, at least. They were orphaned during the war and I simply could not leave them to rot in this world that failed them. I knew I couldn’t provide for them as a jobless rounin. All I had was my strength. So I used it the only way I knew how.”

 

Hijikata, Gintoki, and Shinpachi looked at the man before them, understanding dawning upon their features. Yes, this was a killer, but by no means was he an honorless man. The samurai soul within all three burned in admiration and respect at Kidomaru.

 

The black-haired man smirked, “well, it’s a good thing you’re quitting the Rengokukan tonight.”

 

“How come?” Kidomaru asked, his voice tinged with confusion.

 

“Haven’t you heard? I’m going to tear that place to shreds.”

 

\----------------

 

“So you want my help to infiltrate the Rengokukan? What could I get in return?”

 

“A safe passage out of Edo for you and your children. And some extra money to help you start your new lives.”

 

Kidomaru mulled over the offer before nodding his acquiescence. “You have a deal.”

 

Hijikata continued, “Shinpachi and Kagura will stay behind and protect your brats until you come back for them tonight.”

 

The fight club champion shook hands with his fellow samurai. The three departed in a horse-drawn caravan after Kidomaru said goodbye to his children. “Don’t worry. Papa just has to go on a short business trip. I will come back to you before the sun is up. So you all better be in bed before I come back.” His beloved children grumbled, not wanting to stop playing with Sadaharu, but listened to their father nonetheless.

 

Gintoki and Hijikata climbed into the back of the caravan, loaded with a variety of weapons, such as swords and clubs. The fact that these already had been used was evident with the dried blood on them. A single red oni mask lied at the center. The butler picked it up, running his fingers along the grooves of the battle-worn mask.

 

The trio rode on the dirt path in silence, hidden between the shadow of trees. Right when they were at the outskirts of Edo, moments away from their destination, the caravan lurched, sending the two inside tumbling around like pinballs. The horse neighed in terror as an arrow stopped it in its tracks.

 

Kidomaru yelled as he fell off the horse, cursing in pain as his body slammed into the ground. Before he could arise, a demon-masked figure stood atop of him with a spear pointed at his heart. “Your days as the Champion of Rengokukan are coming to an end, Kidomaru. My boss has decided that we will no longer need your services. It has grown a bit too stale in the betting ring with you always coming out on top.”

 

“You cowards can’t even kill me in the ring!”

 

Although the figure was hiding behind a blue oni mask, the smirk was unhidden in his voice. “We don’t have to.” Those were the last words Kidomaru heard before his heart was pierced by the spear of his ruthless assassin.

 

Gintoki’s blood had been boiling, ready to launch himself through the caravan to help Kidomaru, but he was incapacitated by Hijikata’s bruising grip around his body. His arms and legs were locked down by Hijikata behind him as one hand muffled his curses. When the assassin left the scene, Gintoki elbowed his master in the ribs so he could finally escape.

 

The black-haired man followed clumsily as he clutched his ribs in pain. Hijikata didn’t even see Gintoki’s punch coming. He landed gracelessly on the dirt path with a bloody nose.

 

“What did you stop me?! We could have saved him!” Gintoki viciously grabbed Hijikata by the collar and yelled into his face.  

 

Hijikata only gave him a cold glare before replying, “I couldn’t let you jeopardize the operation.”

 

The butler’s eyes flared in anger before punching his master again. “FUCK your operation! You let that man die before your eyes and you did NOTHING to stop it!!”

 

“What if that assassin noticed us and called for backup? What if his reinforcement discovered the trail leading back to the house with Kidomaru’s brats? What would you do if those killers turned their swords to those kids?”

 

Gintoki dropped Hijikata unceremoniously onto the ground, the implication of his words hitting him like a freight train. But a wave of anger crashed into him again. “Well, we couldn’t have known what would have happened!!”

 

Hijikata picked himself off the ground, wiping the blood dripping from his face. “Well now we won’t.”

 

Hijikata ignored his butler seething in cold anger and stepped towards the lifeless body of Kidomaru. When he knelt down to close his eyes, Kidomaru reached out to cling desperately to the black-haired samurai’s hand.

 

“Please… avenge me.” Kidomaru barely pushed out as his blood flooded his lungs. “And make sure those kids are taken care of. They deserve a better father than me.”

 

A ghost of a smile crossed Hijikata’s face, “those kids will never have a greater father than you.” Hijikata placed his hand atop Kidomaru’s face, closing his eyes and allowing the soul of his fellow samurai to pass on in dignity.

 

“Did you hear that, Yorozuya? We have one final job for tonight.”

 

Gintoki said nothing as he watched Hijikata climb aboard the horse, untying it from the caravan. He reached out his hand to his butler. “Are you coming?”

 

The silver-haired samurai wordlessly took his master’s warm hand and climbed behind Hijikata. Although it was the last thing he wanted to do, he wrapped his arms around his master’s waist and held on tight as they both rode into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't describe the physical appearances of Kidomaru and the children because I was lazy, but I want you guys to know that it was basically All Might and a bunch of Class 1-A kids. Deku is the one who climbs on him and calls him papa.
> 
> Yup. I went there.


	4. One Hell of an Avenger

 

The Rengokukan is everything you expected of an underground fighting ring. Filth was practically built into the foundations of the arena. There cheers and taunts of hundreds of humans and amanto alike shook the underground arena and Gintoki wondered how close the place was to collapsing on itself.

 

Such a dirty and bloodthirsty place should have made Gintoki’s skin crawl but instead it made him feel like he was burning alive with excitement. The battle-driven warrior of days long past felt like he was home again.

 

A figure with a blue oni mask stood at the center of the arena, eating up the cheers thrown at him. It was the same bastard that killed Kidomaru, his blade still warm with the late champion’s blood.

 

“It looks like Kidomaru has run with his tail behind his legs. He is not up to the challenge of bearing the esteemed title of Champion of the Rengokukan!!”

 

Boos and jeers filled the stadium and Gintoki’s blood boiled that an honorable man like him received such terrible backlash. He was more of a champion than that coward ever could be.

 

Gintoki legs were ready to pounce, jumping from his position in the audience to challenge the assassin in the arena, when a warm hand wrapped around his wrist.

 

“You can’t stop me. This is my _bushido.”_ Burning red eyes turned to challenge steel blue ones. “You know better than anyone that a samurai can’t simply bend his own code. I won’t stop protecting what’s right in front of me, not even for you.”

 

Hijikata eyes widened in surprise. A flood of admiration washed over the lord and in the midst of blood-pounding adrenaline, both forgot that this butler was supposed to be a robot. But Hijikata did not comment on such an anomaly. Perhaps it was just a glitch in his system. Perhaps this whole night was just a glitch. Gintoki had already done so many things that a butler, much less a robot, would ever do.

 

“I won’t stop you. Just… don’t get blood on that suit.”

 

For the first time that night, Gintoki chuckled, understanding the hidden intention of his master’s words. The undercurrent of the tsundere’s words were clear: _‘don’t get hurt’._

 

“As you wish.”

 

Hijikata watched his butler leap from the spectator seats to land at the center of the arena, stealing the spotlight. Sometime in the chaos, his butler had swiped Kidomaru’s blood-red oni mask as his face hid beneath it. To the rest of the audience, the champion had returned to defend his title.

 

To his assassin, it appeared that Kidomaru had raised from the grave. The underhanded murderer shook in fear. For while he could not see the eyes beneath his opponent’s mask, he had no doubt they were that of a predator––the most vicious he had ever encountered.

 

The lord of Hijikata Manor forced his gaze to leave the areana. He had some important matters left to attend.

 

––

An imposing bodyguard stood at the door, scaring away any lost fool who had accidentally stumbled across the forbidden room. He took one look at Hijikata and nodded, allowing the lord to enter.

 

“We’ve been expecting your arrival, Hijikata-sama.”

 

Hijikata walked into a room at the highest level of the stadium, giving him full view of the arena below. The room was filled with the ones who ran the illegal fighting ring––the same ones that the Shogun could not touch. A couple of low-level yakuza also lounged in the glass box room, relishing in morbid satisfaction of watching blood spill. The space was furnished with many luxuries, so much so that it seemed like another world compared to the filthy, bloodied arena below. The Amanto leader sat at the center in a luxurious chair, surrounded by his sycophants.

 

Edo wouldn’t miss such vermin.

 

The Lord of Hijikata Manor introduced himself as such to the small room. Several gasps echoed through the room. “THE Hijikata-sama is here?!” they whispered in disbelief amongst themselves.

 

Hijikata stepped towards the front of the room and bowed to the ring leader. He was a rather plump alien, who had more wealth than he knew what to with, as evident by the dozens of gold rings circling his sausage fingers.

 

The fat alien chuckled, flattered that such an esteemed figure as Hijikata would show him such respect. “Hijikata. I’m surprised you would bestow me the honor of your visit. I had assumed that such a place was beneath your level.”

 

“I’ve grown bored holed up at my estate.”

 

The forerunner of the fight club laughed in delight. “Trust me, this is worth your entertainment. Come. Sit next to me. You are the guest of honor tonight.” He shooed the current occupant of the seat next to him and Hijikata took his place.

 

His eyes couldn’t help but focus on the figure of Gintoki.

 

“I have it on good authority that the red-masked figure below is NOT Kidomaru,” the leader whispered into Hijikata’s ear. The black-haired samurai had to hold back a shiver. His breath was soaked with alcohol.

 

“On whose?”

 

“Mine.” The drunk man couldn’t hold back his haughty chortle and slapped Hijikata on the back, almost knocking off the chair.

 

“Why, I am so sure that the man down there is some unfortunate weakling that I will give you 1000 to 1 odds against the street urchin.”

 

Hijikata couldn’t hold back a smirk. He slapped a thick envelope onto the table in front of them. “Alright then. I’ll put down a hundred million yen that this ‘street urchin’ will win.”

 

Many of the room’s occupants gasped. Hijikata delivered that statement like it was mere pocket change to him. Was this the fortune that the Hijikata name carried? The amanto smiled in delight, dollar signs practically shining in his pupils. The two elites shook hands.

 

–––

 

Gintoki could barely hear the roar of the crowds over the blood rushing in his head. This was the first opportunity for him to fight all out since the war had ended. The mammoth figure in the blue demon mask pulled out a massive iron spiked bat that was twice as heavy as the figure holding it.

 

“I don’t know who you are to believe that you can fill Kidomaru’s shoes,” the blue figure taunted.

 

The silver-haired samurai kicked the dirt. “I wouldn’t have been able to. His feet were two big.”

 

“Shut up and fight me!!” The assassin roared, sick of all the jokes this mysterious man had played on him. “Show me what your toothpick of a sword can do against my weapon!!”

 

The two charged at each other like wild bulls, but their attacks were faster than light. His opponent swung his colossal weapon, but what the weapon had in power, it lost in speed. Gintoki could see the attack from a mile away and jumped over the swinging bat like a jackrabbit. He swung his bokken, but could only manage to take out one horn from the mask.

 

Before Gintoki’s feet touch the ground, his attacker swung around and stabbed the butler’s mask with a concealed hand knife. But Gintoki’s instincts expected at much from an underground fighting ring and using his superior reflexes, he ducked and backflipped a safe distance away. Now he stood uncovered in the arena and the crowd went wild.

 

Yells of confusion erupted from the stands.

 

“Who is that?!”

 

“That’s not Kidomaru!!”

 

“Imposter!”

 

But Gintoki paid no mind to the discordant jeers from the audience. He only had eyes for one thing, and that was the speechless opponent in front of him.

 

His opponent was an amanto, who had come from galaxies away, excited to battle in “The Land of Samurais.” He had tales of their courage and might, but when he had finally arrived to Edo, years after the last samurai had given up his sword, he could feel nothing but disdain for these warriors he had once looked up to.

 

But a primal feeling within the amanto told him that this one––with the silver hair and blood-red eyes–– _this one was different._ But his mind commanded him to fight. There was nothing for him to lose in this battle. He could only gain the thrill of the fight.

 

The two started their battle anew, with more vigour now that they had both warmed up. Punches, kicks, slashes, and the like were thrown like hail and the delirious crowd was eating it up. They had not ever bore witness to a battle like this one. Before long, they were enraptured by this mysterious challenger with his red eyes and white form. They began chanting, “SHIROYASHA! SHIROYASHA!!” Their yells shook the very foundation of the unstable stadium.

 

After awhile, the two fighters paused, panting. Both their endurance were waning. “Just give up now! You have no hope in winning! What can a human do against us superior amanto? This country of ‘samurai’ is filled with nothing but cowards. Your race has already failed once you willingly gave your country up!”

 

Gintoki spit out blood. “You wouldn’t say that until you’ve face a real samurai.”

 

The amanto fighter could not bear the arrogance of this puny human anymore. He charged once again with his metal bat and swung with all his might. But this man, who spoke such big words before, did nothing but stand there. Perhaps he had already given up––his body paralyzed with fear.

 

The sick delight in hearing bone crunch was soon flooded with terror as his human opponent did nothing but stand there, taking the hit. A normal human would have been sent flying across the arena. Hell, even an amanto would have been sent like a rocket after a hit like that! But no. This man, this _samurai,_ stood his ground.

 

Gintoki smiled in a way that only warriors afflicted with battle-lust could smile. He wrapped his arms the metal bat and using his strength alone, span the weapon along with its owner round and round until finally he let go. Now only momentum could decide the amanto’s fate. The alien was propelled up towards the bright lights of arena, completely shattering them with his limp body.

 

A rain of glass and sparks fell onto the stadium and chaos ensued as people went into a stampede.

  


Before the match had ended with such a bang, the elite occupants of the glass box watched the battle with rapt attention, hypnotized by this mysterious white demon. Gintoki’s blood-red eyes pierced anyone who had looked into them and even the amanto ringleader could not help but utter, “those… those are the real eyes of a samurai.”

 

When the last light was snuffed out, casting a blanket of darkness upon the entire underground arena, the elites in the room screamed in terror, tasting fear for the first time in their cushioned lives. All except one elite. The black-haired man finally showed his true face, hidden in the darkness.

 

These rich fools who tried to run from their fate could only cry in confusion when the doors wouldn’t budge. Hijikata unsheathe his sword and a few moments later, silence fell upon the room.

 

He walked to the door and calmly knocked against it. The same bodyguard from before greeted him as he opened the door to allow Hijikata outside. The samurai slipped a thick envelope into the man’s suit pocket, the same one which held the money for his bet. It seemed he wouldn’t be collecting his winnings for tonight. No matter. It was only chump change.

 

Hijikata gave a small nod to the bodyguard. “For your troubles tonight.”

 

Once the guard was out of sight, Hijikata pulled out his phone and made a call.

 

“Hello, Sougo? Everything is taken care of. I’ll leave it up to you for clean up.”

 

––

 

The two samurai met each other at the meeting place but said nothing to each other as they made the ride back to where Shinpachi, Kagura and the children waited for them.

 

On the way, Hijikata made a quick call, describing the location of Kidomaru’s body and sending someone to make a proper burial worthy of a samurai. When they finally arrived back to the late Champion’s home, their inability to meet anyone’s eyes answered the silent question in the air. It seemed that even the youngest of kids already knew what death was. What a cruel world to live in.

 

“Was our papa a bad man?” A small kid with greenish hair asked, tears welling up in his eyes.

 

Hijikata kneeled down to meet the brat’s eye level. “Perhaps... but he was a great father and that’s all that matters.”

 

A big limo approached, looking very out of place in the forest. A woman with warm eyes and a warmer smile stepped out of the car.

 

“This nice miss will take you to your new home. It’s an orphanage owned by my family in Edo.” Looking at the hesitant and scared faces of the little ones around him, Hijikata said in a soft voice, “it’s what your father would have wanted.” Although reluctant to leave the one place they had grown up calling home, they wanted to follow their father’s final wish and climbed into the car.

 

Hijikata, Gintoki, Shinpachi, and Kagura watched the limo drive into the night. No one had any words to say. They all stepped into Hijikata’s car, somehow fitting Sadaharu inside and fell asleep shoved against the soft fur of the manor’s dog.

 

––

 

When Gintoki finally stepped back into the comfort of their room, all he wanted to do was knockout onto the bed. But instead, a hand yanked him back from his most deserved luxury.

 

“Don’t you _dare_ get into bed with all that filth on you!” Hijikata screamed out.

 

“What, you want me to sleep on the floor like a dog?!” Gintoki yelled back, pissed beyond reason.

 

“No!” Hijikata seemed offended his butler would even suggest a thing. “Just take off your clothes!”

 

“ _What?_ ”

 

“You’re waterproof right?”

 

“Again, _what?_ ”

 

“Help me take a bath.”

 

Gintoki could not believe what he was hearing. “NO! Take one yourself!”

 

“What the fuck did I pay for?”

 

“You don’t pay me anything!”

 

“Yea, because I _bought_ you?!” Hijikata could not believe his ears. How far was his robot’s insolence merely an odd personality quirk?

 

Gintoki could see suspicion start to rise in his master’s eyes. His shoulders dropped in submission. He was too tired to fight back, his body and mind spent from the night’s events. He didn’t care what happened tonight as long as Hijikata allowed him to sleep.

 

The silver-haired butler did as he was told and carelessly started stripping as he went to the bathroom. Gintoki turned on the water, drawing a hot bath and pressed a button that had the shower room steaming in a few moments. His master followed him in a bit later, choosing to undress unlike his rabid monkey of a butler and folded his dirty clothes neatly into a pile.

 

Now the two were inside the shower room with nothing but a small towel around their waists. Gintoki would have been embarrassed at seeing so much of Hijikata but he likened this experience to an onsen, where such things were commonplace.

 

The butler noticed Hijikata eyeing his body. Not missing any opportunity to provoke his master, he said with a shit-eating grin, “like what you see?”

 

Gintoki didn’t know what to expect, but Hijikata coming close and running his fingers along the side of his ribs was not it. The silver-haired samurai couldn’t help but hiss in pain. Definitely a few broken ribs right there.

 

“Are you badly injured? Should I send for a mechanic?” Hijikata asked as he eyed his butler’s bruises, not being able to hide the hint of worry in his voice.

 

“No. It’s fine. I’ll heal.”

 

Hijikata said nothing as he drew back. He turned around and bent over to pick up a small shampoo bottle and Gintoki couldn’t help but sneak a quick glance of his master’s ass.

 

Hijikata spoke again, “sit down. I’ll wash the gel out of your hair.”

 

The servant was surprised by such an offer but followed his instructions nonetheless. He sat on a short stool as his master moved behind him and started washing his hair. Gintoki lost himself in the sensation of Hijikata running his fingers through his hair to lather it with soap. A shiver ran down his spine as he felt his master’s fingers tug at his locks and massaged his scalp.

 

His mind drifted and he wondered why Hijikata only did things like this with Gintoki, who he mistakenly thought of as a robot. He didn’t seem to share such intimacy with Kagura or Shinpachi. Maybe it was simply because he was a robot that Hijikata felt free to perform such intimate actions. He didn’t need to feel afraid of rejection, so Hijikata simply was just himself, unabridged and unguarded, in front Gintoki.

 

Then what would happen the day Hijikata discovered Gintoki’s lies arrived?

 

A shower of water rained down upon his face, pulling himself away from his jumble of thoughts. He opened his eyes and red met blue. Before he knew what he was saying, he offered, “Master, would you like me to wash your back?”

 

With nothing to hide Hijikata’s embarrassment, Gintoki watched in fascination as a full body flush painted his master’s lovely skin. Although obviously mortified by his own butler’s proposition, Hijikata silently acquiesced nonetheless. The black-haired lord moved to sit on a stool in front of his servant.

 

Gintoki squeezed some soap onto a sponge and began washing his master’s back. He took the opportunity to examine the tight muscles running across Hijikata’s body, relishing in the way they tensed and relaxed beneath his fingertips. His fingers brushed against the deep scars splattered across his master’s skin, curious of the stories behind what were obviously battle wounds. His hands and eyes ran down the spine of his master’s body, marveling at the dimples of his back. The butler pondered whether his thumbs would fit snugly into the dimples, daydreaming about a situation where such an opportunity could occur.

 

But the servant became quickly distracted by the enticing muscles of his master’s arms. He ran the sponge across the sinews of his master’s arms, relishing in the hardness of his muscles. When all that was left with Hijikata’s front, the thought sent blood rushing south to “little Gin-san”.

 

He took this opportunity to slide closer behind Hijikata to wrap his arms entirely around his master’s body. Gintoki’s front was now completely touching Hijikata’s back and both shivered at the feel of each other’s soft, wet skin.

 

“Excuse me, master. I’ll wash your front now.” Hijikata grew tense but remained completely silent. Well, if his master didn’t want this, he would have wasted no time in throwing Gintoki into the wall.

 

Gintoki could hear angels sing as he ran his hands along the chiseled plane of Hijikata’s front. From his pecs to his abs, everything was toned to perfection. While one hand lathered the black-haired man’s front with the soap, the other hand was free to dance along his master’s smooth skin.

 

One of Gintoki’s fingernails accidentally dragged across Hijikata’s pert nipple and finally, _finally_ his master unwillingly let out a sharp moan.

 

Immediately, Hijikata clasped a hand over his mouth as if attempting to shove such an incriminating moan back in. But it was too late. A devilish grin stretched across Gintoki’s face. He dropped the sponge along with all his pretenses. Now both his hands circled around his master’s pecs, pinching and pulling at Hijikata’s sensitive nipples. Many bubbles amassed on Hijikata’s pecs from Gintoki’s incessant massage.

 

“S-stop. You’re focusing too much on one area,” Hijikata whimpered, his mind lost in pleasure.

 

 _Oh?_ Should Gintoki be focusing on other areas now?

 

“Master, would you like to try out my _special_ services?” The innuendo was not lost upon his master.

 

Gintoki couldn't believe it but the tsundere bastard actually said “yes.” Whispered more like it. Too bad. Gintoki had already formulated some ways he was going to draw the approval out of his master.

 

The butler placed his chin at the crook of his master’s neck and shoulders, looking down at the obvious tent of Hijikata’s towel. His master was definitely feeling it as much as he was.

 

Finally, like unraveling a sacred treasure, Gintoki untied the towel around Hijikata’s waist and felt no embarrassment in taking his master’s swollen dick into his hands. He squeezed it, earning a hiss from Hijikata, and began pumping it slowly, planning to draw this out as long as possible. The butler bristled in delight at how Hijikata reacted to his touch. He took sadistic pleasure in the way Hijikata whined and arched his body into him.

 

Before long, Hijikata’s moans bounced off the small, steamy room. Hijikata’s hand found itself in his butler’s hair, tugging sharply and holding on for purchase. Instinctively, his legs spreaded apart, allowing Gintoki more access to Hijikata’s most private and vulnerable place.

 

His toes curled and Gintoki thought his master was reaching his peak when suddenly Hijikata grabbed his hand and pulled it away. Unexpectedly, he turned around to face Gintoki, his eyes showing the battle waging between his lust and self-control.

 

“Wait, I want to come with you. I want you to feel good, too.”

 

That comment alone made Gintoki want to throw away all his inhibitions and pound Hijikata into the walls, but the ache in his ribs told him that this was not the time. Not yet at least.

 

Gintoki smirked and nodded, watching his master draw closer to him til their swollen dicks were side by side. Hijikata wrapped his hand around their cocks and started pumping, hesitant at first. But soon the bathroom was filled with the sticky sounds of sex and the two men’s wanton moans.

 

Not bearing to wait anymore, Gintoki wrapped his own hand around Hijikata’s and their dicks, increasing the speed and pressure.

 

“I–I’m coming,” Hijikata whispered helplessly. Head drowned in heady lust, Gintoki couldn’t stifle his desire to kiss his lovely master’s lips, slipping in a tongue for good measure.

 

The two reached their peaks together––white, hot pleasure burning their vision. When they came down from the high, a wave of drowsiness hit them, their exhaustion undeniable. Ignoring the now full bathtub, Gintoki decided to instead wash the two off. If they entered the bathtub now, the butler had no doubt that they would both fall asleep, only to be found pruny and wrinklier than an old couple tomorrow morning.

 

Sensing that Hijikata could barely use his own legs, Gintoki picked Hijikata up bridal style and carried him back to bed after they had both dried off. His master was too tired to fight back, allowing his naked self to be tucked into bed. Gintoki quickly got under the covers afterwards, wanting to steal his master’s heat to fight off the cold. The two naturally drew close and Hijikata slept, mindful of his butler’s injured side.  


	5. One Hell of a Visit

A week had passed since the incident at the Rengokukan when Gintoki picked up the morning paper to discover the headlines: “UNDERGROUND FIGHTING RING BUSTED BY THE SHINSENGUMI.”

 

_“The Shinsengumi stormed the Rengokukan, an illegal fighting ring established by an amanto. The suspected ringleader, among with several other amanto and yakuza members, were not at the scene of the crime. Here is an exclusive interview with Chief Kondo of the Shinsengumi.”_

 

The butler grew bored when he saw the picture of the gorilla-like chief. He delivered the paper to his master’s office. Hijikata sat with a stiff posture, looking as busy as always with stacks of paper littered across the desk. It was only early morning but already Gintoki wished to slide underneath the lord’s desk and offer him a special little treat. A blowjob from Gin-san would alleviate the stress pent up in his master’s shoulders. It would be so easy to lift up the distracted man’s yukata and run his tongue along the inside of Hijikata’s smooth thighs before wrapping his sinful mouth around his master’s cock to give it the good suck.

 

Although Gin would never admit this to himself, he felt a bit lonely over the past week with the slew of paperwork that hit Hijikata after the whole mess at the Rengokukan.

 

The white-haired butler ejected such thoughts creeping in his head. What was he? A bunny-rabbit that would die if not fed enough attention?! No! Gin-san was a strong, independent man who didn’t need no other man.

 

The sound of a car’s engine drew the men’s attention to the windows. A fancy car with tinted windows had entered the driveway of the manor. “Oh, that’s Kondo and Sougo. I have a meeting with them today.” He looked at back at Gin and the butler’s heart couldn’t help skipping a beat. “Yorozuya, I’m going to go get dressed. Gather my papers and put them in my briefcase and meet me at the front entrance.”

 

As Gin stood at the entrance with his master’s things, the names of the visitors rolled around in his head. Why did those names sound so _familiar?_ Something was gnawing at his insides, urging him to remember where he had heard those names.

 

When the figure featured in this morning newspaper walked through the doors, Gin couldn’t help but yell, “IT’S THE GORILLA!!” The aforementioned Gorilla was speechless at this perm-head stranger that just insulted him the moment he walked inside.

 

Hijikata appeared out of nowhere behind Gintoki and punched him across his skull. The butler’s ears were still ringing when his master commanded him to apologize. “Oi! Show some respect to the Chief of the Shinsengumi!”

 

A smaller figure with short, tan hair stepped into the entryway. Hijikata didn’t even bother with his greetings before saying, “Sougo, I swear, what were you thinking when you input the settings into this insolent robot?”

 

 _‘Sougo?’_ Wait. Oh dear god. The name finally struck a bell in Gintoki’s strawberry-milk-filled head. This was the man that had ordered the original robot butler for Hijikata, so he was the only one who knew its true appearance and behavior.

 

The web of lies that Gin had struggled to spin was going to be torn apart the moment this kid opened his mouth. But instead of striking the impostor-butler where he stood, Sougo only stared at Gintoki as said man sweated buckets.

 

Kondo extended his hand to Gintoki. “You must be Toshi’s new butler! He’s told me so much about you!” Oh, did he now? Gintoki glanced at Hijikata but the man refused to meet his butler’s eyes. Sensing his embarrassment, the gorilla reached out to mess with the young lord’s hair.

 

A stab of jealousy hit Gintoki in the gut. Who was this man to his master and why was he acting so familiar? The Shinsengumi chief continued, “thank you for your service at the Rengokukan! We wouldn’t have been able to close down that place without your help!”

 

A ring from the grandfather clock down the hall interrupted the scene.

 

“Sounds like we should head out.” Hijikata held out his hand to receive his sword and briefcase from his butler. Completely lost in the routine and forgetting present company, the lord leaned in and planted a soft, chaste kiss on Gintoki’s lips.

 

Kondo’s mouth fell wide open, mimicking the koi fish swimming in the manor’s pond. After the kiss continued for a moment too long, Sougo cleared his throat. The sound knocked sense back into Hijikata and he suddenly remembered where he was and hastily broke the kiss. The poor man turned ten shades of red. “You can, um, go now, Yorozuya.”

 

Despite himself, Gintoki wished to milk this scene as much as possible, wondering how far he could push the local tsundere of the manor. But he took pity on his master who was currently malfunctioning worse than any machine ever could. Gin bowed deeply, “as you wish, Master.”

 

Hijikata took the cue to flee the scene and left in his own car, wanting to forestall the torture in store for him at the courtesy of the two Shinsengumi officers.

 

Kondo scratched his head, “wow, I’d never thought in a million years I’d see that.” He left the entryway to ready his own car. Now the lone occupants in the room were Gintoki and Sougo who stood as silent as the dead. The stare the tan-haired boy gave him was cold and analyzing. Yet he still did not say anything and excused himself to follow the two other men.

 

The butler watched the retreating car pull out of the driveway, his heart dropping.

 

Sakata Gintoki was _fucked._

 

———————

 

Gintoki paced furiously inside his shared room with Hijikata. It had been hours since Sougo laid eyes on him and yet still, nothing had happened. He was avoiding the kids in the house, terrified to see the looks on their faces when they discover the truth. He expected the kids to receive a call from their master when the young Shinsengumi officer would eventually reveal Gin’s secret.

 

He could have just left right now if he wanted to. He could burn this stuffy butler uniform in the fireplace, put on his yukata, take his bokken, and walk out of the manor. It was all he had anyhow. But why did he have to grow attached to the people here? Why couldn’t he stand the idea of leaving Hijikata? He was supposed to have lain low for a day or two and left the first chance he got. First, he used the excuse of his injuries to prolong the inevitable. When his injuries healed, he’d promise to stay until the next delivery of strawberry milk arrived––wanting to stock up for his journey. When a pallet of his favorite milk arrived at the doorstep, he truly had set out to leave that very night. But the night had been _so_ _cold_ , and the heat of Hijikata’s embrace was too pleasant to break away from. And that had been his reason for the following nights until he decided that he would leave the moment spring arrived at the mansion.

 

But even Gin could see the fallacies in the lies he repeated to himself. But why would he want to leave anyway?! He had a roof over his head––a nice one at that! Home-cooked meals arrived in front of him like clockwork courtesy of Shinpachi. And he promised Kagura that he’d go beetle hunting with her next week since he didn’t have the heart to tell the excited girl the bugs only came out in the summer.

 

And Hijikata. If Gintoki left, who would gather his stuff and bid him farewell every morning before he went off to work? Who would squirt an ungodly amount of mayo on all of his meals? Who would undress the stupidly attractive man and nestle into his king-size bed with him?

 

He missed Otose, that nagging old hag, but he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving. Gintoki was _not_ a sentimental man but he really came to cherish his time here at Hijikata manor.

 

The sunlight seeping into the room slowly disappeared as the sun dipped beneath the horizon. The sound of the gates of the Hijikata manor opening flooded Gintoki with dread. He had to meet his master at the door. He needed to meet his fate. The least he could do was try to explain himself to Hijikata before the man slayed him on the spot for his lies. The butler stood at the entryway, his heart running a marathon inside his chest.

 

His master walked through the doors and handed Gintoki his sword and briefcase as he typically did, except he seemed more exhausted than usual with the way the light casted dark shadows on his handsome face. Hijikata moved into Gintoki’s space a fraction of an inch but immediately drew back, remembering the embarrassing incident from this morning. Wait, had his master tried to kiss him like normal? For a moment, Gin wondered how this had become his standard of normalcy.

 

A wave of relief hit Gintoki and he closed the distance between their lips, ecstatic at the fact that he could still be with his master, even just a bit longer. He reluctantly parted from Hijikata, but not before dragging his tongue across his master’s bottom lip. Hijikata blushed to the tips of his ears. “We still have company, you idiot!”

 

Hearing footsteps approaching, Hijikata hastily wiped his shiny lips with his sleeve. “Put this in my office and go help Shinpachi with dinner! He’ll need extra help since Kondo and Sougo are planning to stay for dinner.”

 

Gin bowed to hide the smirk threatening to break his stoic facade. So his master was mad at the timing and not the kiss itself?

 

“As you wish.” With that, Gintoki left to fulfill his master’s orders.

 

—

 

Gintoki opened the door to his master’s office and placed the lord’s things against the side of his desk.

 

“I don’t know what you’re supposed to be but you’re not the robot I ordered for Hijikata-san.”

 

 _HOLY FUCK!?!_ When did the smaller police dog slip in?! The faux-robot butler clutched his chest in a dramatic fashion. So this is what a heart attack felt like. Gintoki took in a sharp breath, steeling his nerves.

 

“So why haven’t you told him then? You’ve had plenty of opportunities.”

 

Sougo tilted his head and looked up in contemplation. “I’ve been asking myself the same question.”

 

The equivocal response from the brat told the silver-haired butler that this was no ordinary kid.

 

“I had originally ordered the robot with orders to kill Hijikata. Not seriously, of course.” He shrugged his shoulders, too nonchalant for such a declaration. “Just something to keep him on his toes. Didn’t want him to get sloppy holed up in his mansion.”

 

What the _fuck_ was wrong with these aristocrats?! First, a mayo-loving pervert, and now a sadistic brat?!

 

“But the whole kissing incident this morning showed me that there are more ways to torture someone like Hijikata. With all the teasing Kondo-san and I were giving him, he looked like he was about commit seppuku himself.” An insufferable smirk pulled the corner of his mouth. “It’s been a long time since I had that much fun.”

 

So _that’s_ why his master came home looking like he just returned from war.

 

“This has become way more interesting than I could have ever hoped for,” he finished. Gintoki was speechless, trying to figure out any hidden meanings in his words. The silence stretched for what felt like an eternity as the imposter-butler watched the officer walked towards a bookcase closest to Hijikata’s his desk. Sougo reached for a photo frame that was faced down. Huh. Gintoki never realized it was there. With too much care uncharacteristic of a confirmed sadist, he gently turned it up.

 

From his proximity, Gin saw that it was a photo of four people. He immediately recognized Hijikata among the four, even with his longer hair, pulled back into a ponytail. A larger man he assumed to be Kondo and a small boy with the same tan hair as Sougo stood to the left of his younger master. A woman with the same straw-color hair as the brat before him stood intimately close to Hijikata with a soft smile on her face.

 

“Hijikata’s parents died when he was young so Kondo took him under his wing even though he was just a family friend to the Hijikatas. Kondo had already adopted my sister and me by then and we were a family, even though blood did not connect us.” Sougo looked lost in a trance as his thumb lightly traced the outline of his sister’s figure.

 

“My sister Mitsuba was engaged to Hijikata. But her body had been frail even back then. Hijikata promised himself to her anyway.” Gintoki heard Sougo’s voice twist in disdain at the last statement.

 

“She passed away three years ago and the idiot locked himself away in this manor ever since.”

 

Sougo took his hand away, leaving the photo standing. He turned his figure towards Gintoki. “Don’t get me wrong, I still hate the man who allowed death to take my sister away before he could. But… even a sadist like me finds no joy in torturing a man with no spark of life in him.”

 

Gin didn’t know what to say. There was too much information for him to process but he did realize one thing at the end of Sougo’s monologue. Deep down underneath all the sadistic bravado he put up, he genuinely cared about Hijikata.

 

A high voice burst through the doors, disrupting the tense air enshrouding the two men. “Gin-chaaaan! Shinpachi is asking for help in the kitchen!!”

 

Kagura then noticed Sougo in the corner of the room. “Ugh, what’s the sadist doing here?” She said with disgust tantamount to the time she accidentally stepped in dog shit.

 

Sougo’s straight-laced, solemn personality did a one-eighty turn the moment his eyes landed on the ginger maid. “Why don’t you go back to China, China Girl?”

 

“Why do you keep calling me that?! I don’t even know what China is!!” The alien yelled back.

 

Grabbing the globe next to him, Sougo chucked it at Kagura’s direction with full force. “Why don’t you go learn some geography then!”

 

Gintoki slipped out before Kagura obliterated the poor globe with one kick and the chunks could hit him. The silver-haired butler exited the scene to go help his master. He left Sougo to deal with his own idiot.

 

—————————————

 

Before Gintoki realized it, a month passed at the Hijikata Manor and everyone was none the wiser about his real identity. The laidback samurai even started digging around his nose and flicking boogers without a care in the world, but no one suspected a thing. Sougo, true to his word, had not said a thing. Everyone accepted Gintoki’s actions as it was, no matter how unrobotic it seemed.

 

The faux-butler even got used to his job. Otose would laugh herself to the grave if she found out that Gintoki actually _worked._ Despite no prior experience with an actual job, he fell into a routine of assisting his master and helping around the manor. Guess you _could_ teach an old dog new tricks.

 

There was one thing that bothered Gintoki though. In all his time at the manor, one room remained off-limits to the servants. It was a room hidden away in a deserted hall in the west wing of the mansion. Gin had always gone exploring when his work was done for the day and he had successfully checked out every nook and cranny of the mansion. Every extra guest room, closet, tea room, and even secret passage was accounted for, except this one room that was always locked. Even Shinpachi and Kagura told him to stay away when he had asked. They both confessed that they didn’t know what was in there either, despite working at the manor for years.

 

But here was the thing about Gintoki. If you told him something was forbidden, it became the only thing he could obsess over. He’d seen Hijikata enter the room every week on a Friday evening and exit an hour later like clockwork. What was in this room? Was it full of top-secret information about the shogunate? Did it lead to a secret bat cave? Why would Hijikata allow Gintoki to enter his bed before he allowed him to enter this godforsaken room?!!

 

One day, as Gin watched Hijikata leave the room from a ninja-approved location in the ceiling, he slipped into the forbidden room as silent as a mouse. When his eyes finally feasted on the sight before him, his jaw dropped to the floor. He tried to back out of the room, in complete shock of his discovery, but his elbow caught on something right as he moved back. It dropped to the floor with a dull thud. The sound alerted his vigilant master and the lord threw the door wide open. Complete horror painted his face as he saw Gintoki standing in the middle of his most guarded secret.

 

Gintoki faced his master, trying to breathe and get the air back into his lungs.

 

“YO—YOU’RE…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guys guess? What is Hijikata’s most guarded secret? Anyone who guesses gets a virtual high-five.


	6. One Hell of an Otaku

“YO—YOU’RE…A FUCKING OTAKU?!”

 

That was the only viable conclusion from the walls lined with manga, figurines, and other anime paraphernalia.

 

“SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!” Hijikata slammed the door behind them and tackled Gintoki onto a couch conveniently placed before them. “What if the brats hear you?!”

 

With his master’s hand shoved against his lips, Gintoki observed the panicking man with avid interest. Here was one of the highest regarded aristocrats of Japan looking like a deer in headlights. Absolute glee filled the butler’s eyes as terror flooded his master’s. Hijikata’s deepest, darkest secret had finally been discovered—by Gintoki, no less. 

 

Taking advantage of the stupefied aristocrat, Gintoki easily flipped their positions. The butler pinned his master’s wrists on either side of his head and used his weight to prevent Hijikata from kicking him. With Hijikata helplessly immobilized beneath him, he scanned the room and took everything in. The stoic, straight-laced Lord of Hijikata Manor watched magical girl anime in his free time?! It was unbelievable—as was the red-face look of denial on Hijikata’s face.

 

The white-haired man’s gaze fell upon a tall glass cabinet that reached the ceiling. In it was a ripped jean vest, a glaring red bandanna, and tight, black leather-clad jeans that Hijikata would never be caught dead in. The ostentatious outfit hung pristinely off a headless black mannequin as several spotlights shone onto it. 

 

Gintoki gestured to the outfit. “What’s that?” 

 

Hijikata’s mouth opened just a fraction, not believing that Gin was seriously asking this question right now. 

 

“It’s... the original outfit from the Monster Hunter live-action movie franchise.” Fearing the judgement from his butler’s silence, he tried to defend himself. “My life is stressful! Anime just helps me relieve stress. I’m not some freak who marries their body pillow!”

 

“Put it on.”

 

_ “What?” _ Hijikata didn’t know whether he wanted the ground to swallow him whole or punch Gintoki’s out for even suggesting that. Was his butler seriously the one giving the commands now?!

 

“Put it on, or I’ll walk out right now and tell everyone.”

 

So he really  _ was _ resorting to blackmail. Just not exactly what Hijikata expected. Why didn’t he ask for his fortune or something?! That would have been easier to give up than his dignity. 

 

“Fine,” Hijikata spat out and Gintoki released his hold to allow the black-haired man to get up. The butler made himself comfortable on the couch and watched as his master slowly opened the glass door to his treasured possession. 

 

Long fingers expertly undid the cravat around his neck and popped the buttons of his shirt open one by one. Gintoki licked his lips in anticipation. This was  _ so  _ going to be worth it. He realized this was the first time he was  _ truly  _ appreciating Hijikata’s body for what it was worth. The other times he couldn’t help his hands from running all over the man’s body, blinded by his lust. But now, Gintoki’s eyes greedily consumed the visage that was Hijikata. He narrowed his focus on the dips in Hijikata’s wide shoulders as he took off his white shirt. Although Hijikata was unwilling to make any eye contact as he rid himself of more pieces of clothing, a well-placed mirror gave Gintoki an excellent angle of the embarrassed man. 

 

“You are being  _ such _ a tease.”

 

That got Hijikata’s face turning nine shades of red. 

 

“SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT!!” Hijikata threw his shirt across the room in anger and pulled down his pants in a huff. Apparently, prolonging the inevitable just made the situation worse so he would just go at it like ripping off a bandaid. 

 

Gintoki returned his attention to the Hijikata’s reflection. Since the mirror was already here in the room, did it mean that Hijikata had already worn this outfit to imitate his favorite fictional hero? Had his otaku of a master practiced poses in front of the mirror when no one was looking? Gintoki cringed, somehow getting secondhand embarrassment just from thinking about it. 

 

But the finished look of Hijikata in his new outfit blew any doubt out of his mind.  _ Wow.  _ It was somehow the perfect combination of endearing and slutty. Hijikata was shyly avoiding eye contact while adorned in a vest did nothing to hide his well-toned abs. He crossed his arms in an attempt to hide his nipples hardening from the cold air.

 

Gintoki absolutely wanted to  _ devour  _ him. 

 

“Come here,” Gintoki beckoned with a slight wave of his hand. He spread his legs wide on the sofa, taking up as much room as possible. The only spot left was the sliver of space in front of his lap. Stubborn as a mule, Hijikata refused to move any closer to his butler. Impatient with his defiance, Gintoki gave no warning as he pulled his master onto his lap. Hijikata cursed on his way down but grew still when he felt something  _ hard  _ digging into his ass. 

 

The imposter-robotic butler wrapped his arms around Hijikata to draw him closer. He blew a hot breath into his master’s ear for good measure. Even though his self-control was thinning to a crisp, he asked, “Master, would you like me to start my  _ special _ service?” 

 

All the signs would have warranted a huge, fat “NO!” from the mortified and petulant Lord of the Manor, but instead a quiet “...yes…” slipped past his lips.

 

The slyest of smirks crossed Gintoki’s face. “As you wish.”

 

Gintoki’s hand immediately slithered down to unzip Hijikata’s leather pants. He pulled his master’s pants and underwear down to his thighs, giving him access to what  _ he _ personally considered the most priceless object in this room—not some anime artifact. The silver-haired butler’s eyes filled with glee at finding Hijikata already half-hard. 

 

The butler reached into one of his many pockets to pull out a small vial. Since one of his main functions as a robot butler was to provide sexual gratification for his master, this mini bottle of lube had been stowed away in his pocket, forgotten until this moment. 

 

He took off his white gloves and drizzled the lube onto his two fingers like honey. Slowly, he drew his hand closer to Hijikata’s naked thigh. In his peripheral vision, Gintoki caught their reflection in the mirror and saw that his master was watching his hand with rapt fascination. He felt the black-haired man shiver in his arms as he plunged his fingers into Hijikata’s velvet heat.

 

Hijikata desperately shoved his hands onto his mouth to not allow Gintoki the pleasure of hearing the wanton moan threatening to escape. But that only seemed to goad Gintoki further. He scissored his fingers back and forth, pressing against his walls—trying to find that  _ one _ spot in Hijikata that would have him begging for mercy. 

 

After what felt like an eternity, Gintoki surmised that his fingers wouldn’t be able to scratch that particular itch deep inside Hijikata.  _ Of course, _ his master was going to make him work for it. Speaking of who, the black-haired samurai was panting like a cat in heat and completely pliant underneath Gintoki’s nimble fingers. Rivulets of sweat rolled down the muscular planes of his chest as Hijikata struggled to make sense of the heat pooling in his loins.

 

“You really bring out the sadistic streak in me, Master.”

 

Hijikata barely managed to reply in a raspy voice, “ _ of course  _ Sougo gave you a sadist feature.”

 

Gintoki bit down on his master’s neck and sucked a gruesome hickey. “Don’t say another man’s name when I’m with you.” Hijikata only moaned in submission. 

 

The silver samurai noticed a particular anime figurine with big ol’ anime eyes staring directly at them from the coffee table. He reached for it to turn it around, shielding its eyes from the obscene acts he was subjecting its owner to. 

 

Instantaneously, Hijikata yelled out, “Hey! Be careful with that! I spent a fortune on that figurine! Don’t get your finger oils on her!”

 

At Hijikata’s obnoxious command, Gintoki replied, “Is this your  _ waifu,  _ Hijikata-sama?”

 

Hijikata spat back, irritated, “You don’t get to use that word!”

 

Licking the shell of his master’s earlobe, Gintoki said, “Why? Cause I’m not an otaku?” With all the money in the Hijikata name, the black-haired man must have really spent a pretty penny on this figurine if he mentioned how priceless it was. Too bad Gintoki was going to devalue it so fast. 

 

Gintoki examined the doll. Nothing was sticking out too much. It wouldn’t exactly be the smoothest ride, but it would be a hell of an interesting one. With no remorse, the butler poured a copious amount of lube onto the doll and before Hijikata understood what was happening, Gintoki replaced his fingers with it. Hijikata had no time to yell the plethora of curses gathered at the tip of his tongue as the makeshift dildo Gintoki shoved up his ass hit that  _ one spot _ that had stars shooting across his eyelids. 

 

After a few more pumps, Hijikata could no longer hold his orgasm at bay, nor did he want to. Long ribbons of come splattered across his stomach. The white-haired butler removed the doll and slowly dragged its head up along the trail of Hijikata’s come. Gintoki held the figurine in front of his master. “Why don’t you give your  _ waifu _ a kiss?” Lost amidst his post-orgasmic high, Hijikata could hold no objection to Gintoki’s orders even if he wanted to. His lips gingerly puckered to place a kiss on his come-coated figurine.

 

Once Hijikata’s senses returned to him, he turned to face his butler with a barely threatening glare. “You’re such an asshole.” 

 

Gintoki closed the distance between their lips, licking the come off his master’s lips. “I know,” he smirked and started another trail of kisses down his neck. 

 

———————————

 

Katsura rubbed the sides of his forehead with his thumb and forefinger. Was there no reprieve for the leader of the anti-government faction? How hard was it to raise a little anarchy in the city of Edo? With the Shinsengumi continuously on his tail after the whole bombing fiasco, he’d been in deep hiding since then. 

 

He was growing antsy with the lack of progress his men have been making on the streets of Edo. He needed to take firm, decisive action—to show his anti-government faction that they were more than lowly rabble rousers. 

 

“Has anyone found a target for our next attack? We need to make this next operation a good one. No low-level government buildings like the last time.”

 

“Zura-sama—“

 

“It is not Zura. It’s Katsura.” Dammit, ever since his men accidentally overhead Gintoki call him by that cursed nickname, introductions have become so tedious. 

 

“My apologies, Katsura-sama,” he continued, “I found something that might be interesting.” The follower pulled out large black-and-white photos of a black-haired man smoking a cigarette. “I have been tailing the Chief of the Shinsengumi, Kondo Isao, for months now. He spends most of his days stalking a cabaret hostess. But a couple weeks ago, I followed him to a secluded mansion in the forest. Afterwards, the Chief and his subordinate drove back to Edo with a new addition, this man right here, which I assume to be the master of the house.”

 

“What I gleaned from their conversation was that this man, who they referred to as ‘Hijikata,’ most definitely had something to do with the shut down of the Rengokukan. Katsura-sama, the Shogunate had been wanting to rid Edo of that battle ring for ages, but was never able to touch it due to their ties with Amanto. Suddenly, this man appears and the Shinsengumi was able to wipe the Rengokukan of the map with a snap of their fingers. Whoever this Hijikata is, I believe that he has a  _ very _ important connection to the Shogunate.”

 

Katsura was reeling at this discovery. “So what you’re saying is that if we can take him out, it could be the biggest hit to the Bakufu that Edo would ever see.”

 

———

 

Hijikata let out a sigh of the long-suffering and lit his third cigarette for the hour. He’d been getting more and more reports of the anti-government faction by the day. There was even a report that Takasugi Shinsuke had been seen on the streets of Edo again. He’d thought for sure that bastard had ran with his tail between his legs the moment his plan to assassinate the Shogun blew up in smokes at the summer festival. 

 

Gintoki should have been undressing him and preparing him for bed right about now. Although he would never admit it out loud, he would rather have his nose buried in his butler’s neck than in paperwork. 

 

Suddenly, the lights in his office went out, submerging him in darkness. Hijikata’s eyes flitted to the window, where the only source of light came by the grace of the moon. What the hell was going on? Usually, the power only went out during a thunderstorm. 

 

A phone ring pierced the too quiet room. The Lord of the Manor pulled out his cell phone. Shinpachi was ringing. “Hijikata-sama, something’s happening,” a hint of worry tinged his voice. “The power line has been tampered with, but the backup generator will turn on in about five minutes. Kagura is with me and said she saw about five intruder’s shadows moving through the garden when she came to find me.” He took in a sharp breath. “Sir, we’re under attack.”

 

“They must be complete idiots if they chose the Hijikata Manor. Shinpachi, go to the central security room and set the level to High Threat the moment the electricity comes back on. And tell Kagura to head to the roof and bring her  _ good _ umbrella.” 

 

“Yes, Hijikata-sama,” the two proud Hijikata employees said. 

 

“Is Yorozuya with you?”

 

“No, sir.”

 

Hijikata hung up, more worried about a robot than he should have been. If only his past self could see him now. Where the  _ hell _ was Gintoki?

 

————

 

The sound of several bullets followed by a young girl’s cackling jolted Gintoki awake. He had fallen asleep in his master’s bed, waiting for Hijikata to finish his work. Wait, bullets?! What was going on?! 

 

The silver-haired butler ran to the window and gazed into the darkness bordering the Hijikata Manor. His eyes caught several shadows moving along the garden, followed by telltale sounds of bullets. Within seconds, he heard screams and watched as those poor figures topple at the hands of who could only be Kagura. Wow, he was never going to get on her bad side after this. 

 

Were these people trying to rob the manor? Knowing the monsters lurking in this manor, himself included, he actually felt bad for the poor bastards who chose this place. His blood thrummed in anticipation despite the situation. It had been slow since his battle at the Rengokukan and he was secretly yearning for opportunity to get his heart pumping again. 

 

But first, Gintoki needed to find his master to make sure he was safe. The butler made his way down to the large library at the center of the mansion. If his master had still not gone to bed yet, he must have still been in the library office. The library had large windows letting in the dim light of the moon, so he was barely able to make out one lone figure in the darkness. He ran over to the figure and placed his hand on it. “Master, are you alright—ZURA?!”

 

“It is not Zura! It is Katsura! Wait, Gintoki?!” The two old comrades couldn’t believe the other stood in front of them. 

 

“What the hell are you doing here?!” Gintoki had half a mind to strangle Katsura for causing him to be named a terrorist even though it felt like ages ago. 

 

“I could ask you the same question! We all thought you had left Edo for good since the police had been looking for you.”

 

“I found a job,” Gintoki replied plainly, feeling like he didn’t owe Katsura any explanations. 

 

“You’re working for this Hijikata? You know he’s nothing more than a government dog, right? He’s no better than trash.”

 

A vein popped on Gintoki’s forehead. The butler hands shot forth to grab at Katsura’s collars, yanking him closer to glare at him. “Don’t you  _ dare _ say that about my master.”

 

The sound of a door opening broke the two out of their reverie. “Gintoki! Are you in here? We’re under attack. I need your help to defend the manor!” It was the man of the hour, Hijikata. 

 

Unguarded, Hijikata never expected a sword to come flying at him in the darkness. He didn’t even have time to react as Katsura swung the sword down to slash the lord in half. But Katsura’s sword struck the wrong target. In a flash, Gintoki was at his master’s side, shielding Hijikata with his own body. The sword cut into the butler’s side and blood poured from the wound. It felt like the entire world stopped spinning for Hijikata as he watched Gintoki fall to the ground in agony. It was too dark to see anything, but he felt the hot, wet liquid pour from his butler’s wound. 

 

Katsura immediately realized his mistake as he watched his old friend fall to his knees. He couldn’t believe he had injured the man he had fought side by side with. He had gone too far. The leader of the anti-government faction radioed his followers. “Men, I order you to retreat.”

 

“But, sir!”

 

“Cease the attack at once and leave the premises!”

 

“Yes, boss.”

 

After a few moments, the shooting from outside died down as Katsura’s faction vacated Hijikata Manor. Hijikata’s phone rang again. “Hijikata-sama! The burglars have retreated and the lights should come back on in a bit.” 

 

“Shinpachi, send for the old man mechanic at once! Gintoki has been damaged!”

 

Hijikata could barely hear Shinpachi’s reply over the blood rushing in his ears. Gintoki had been injured! As he wrapped his black jacket around his butler’s waist to stop the bleeding, he remarked that the designers of the Yorozuya model really were meticulous. They even had the oil flowing through his veins resemble blood down to its smell. 

 

That had to be it… right? 

 

———

 

After an hour of waiting, Gengai, the greatest inventor and mechanic in Edo, finally arrived to the Hijikata Manor. He was exactly as Hijikata said, an old man, but with the spark of a youthful boy, unafraid to fail and try again. That was what made him the best. 

 

He stepped into the room and immediately came to inspect Gintoki who was laying in bed. Bandages had been crudely wrapped around him and he guessed correctly that it was the shoddy handiwork of Hijikata, whose hands were shaking so badly he couldn’t even light his cigarette. 

 

“So you’re telling me it’s the YOROZUYA G-1010 model?”

 

“Y-yes.” Hijikata said a bit surprised, so worried about his butler that he hadn’t heard Gengai enter. 

 

“Alright, get out and let me do my work.”

 

“But—“ Hijikata tried to protest, wanting to be there for Gintoki. 

 

“Out!” Hijikata retreated like a scolded puppy.

 

As the mechanic went to unwrap the gauze to inspect the damage, he found that Gintoki had actually been awake. “I don’t know what you are, but you’re definitely not a robot. Even the most advanced robot of this age don’t bleed blood. I’m surprised Hijikata hasn’t figured it out yet. He must be a bigger dumbass than you.”

 

Once he got a good look at the wound, he pulled out his trusty repair kit. “You’re lucky I work as well with real skin as I do with synthetic.”

 

Gintoki winced when a sharp needle pricked his skin. “Are you planning to rat me out?” 

 

Gengai continued sewing the butler’s wound closed. “No, I’ve known that boy since he was little and it’s the first time I’ve seen him worry this much over another human being.” The mechanic finished and snipped the thread. “You’re good for him.”

 

Gintoki could barely swallow his surprise when the old man rose up and called Hijikata to come back in. 

 

The Lord returned looking as if he aged ten years. “Does he need an oil transfusion. How much should I order?”

 

“Calm down. The damage was pretty shallow. He’s patched up real good. His... _ fibers _ should repair itself in good time,” Gengai said to further this charade. 

 

“Thank you,” Hijikata replied as he wasted no time to go to Gintoki’s side. 

 

Gengai left the two lovebirds making googly eyes with each other alone. “Idiots.”

 

———

 

Gintoki awoke in the early hours of the morning with Hijikata sleeping by his bedside. He was slumped over onto the bed as he chose to stay in a chair, not wanting to disturb Gintoki’s wound in his sleep. As the butler fully rose to consciousness, he felt the comforting heat of his master at his palm. Hijikata had fallen asleep holding his hand. 

 

The butler gingerly stepped out of bed, finding that his wound hadn’t had hurt as much as he predicted. His entire upper half felt sore, but it was just as the doctor said: the injury looked worse than it actually was. The long-since soldier had much worse wounds inflicted during the war. Without further adieu, he decided to carry his master back to their shared bedroom, just as he did when Hijikata would accidentally fall asleep at his desk, buried under paperwork. 

 

As Gintoki gazed tenderly at the soft rise and fall of his master’s chest, he came to a hard decision. He had to leave Hijikata. Guilt had been eating at him since Katsura aimed that sword at Hijikata. He had put his master in danger. But deep in his heart, he knew that wasn’t the only reason. He had come  _ this  _ close to having his lies discovered. 

 

Gintoki was a coward. He couldn’t be there when Hijikata would eventually unravel his lies and realize that the butler he had trusted so much was nothing more than a charlatan off the streets of Edo.

 

His heart swelled as he watched the morning sunrise paint his master with a rosy light. This was the last time he would ever see Hijikata again. Gintoki leaned down and placed a soft kiss goodbye on his master’s lips. He promptly left the still slumbering black-haired samurai and retrieved his yukata and bokken. After a bit, the butler turned his back to the gates of the Hijikata Manor, already feeling the warmth of his master’s touch evaporate from his body. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE AGAIN! BET YOU THOUGHT YOU’D SEEN THE LAST OF ME!
> 
> Thank you for your infinite patience. I didn’t mean to leave you guys with a cliffhanger for that long! Hope it was worth the wait!
> 
> To be honest, it took so long to write cuz Butler is my most popular fic and it was daunting trying to live up to what a pop fic should be like. Writing became more scary than fun, but luckily I managed to push through that and keep writing!
> 
> High-fives to all the people who guessed what Hijikata was hiding!! Always inwardly screamed when one of you got it right!


	7. One Hell of a Search

“It’s been two weeks, Hijikata-sama,” Shinpachi said, but he might as well be speaking to a wall. The young boy sighed as he looked at the unresponsive Hijikata. The man was sitting against the dojo door, letting in the chilling air. Hijikata had ordered Shinpachi and Kagura to come to Edo and look for Gintoki day in and out. The only lead they found was a report of a man with silver hair linked to a terrorist attack, but apparently that culprit had left the city months ago. Plus, what could he possibly have to do with a high end robot stolen from the Hijikata Manor. Whatever group had broken in earlier that night must have feigned a retreat to go after the real target: Gintoki. Shinpachi theorized that they must have figured out that he was a high-end robot and kidnapped him to sell him on the black market. “I think it might be time we called it off the search.” 

 

Hijikata lit one of his cigarettes between his fingers and sucked in a lung full of smoke. Had it really been two weeks since he woke up to a bed devoid of Gintoki? Of course, the proud Hijikata would never admit aloud that he missed his butler. Did he miss the warm, steady weight pressing into his back as Gintoki wrapped his arms around him every night? Perhaps. Did he yearn for the way his butler found excuses to touch him, like fixing his collar, brushing invisible dust off his shoulders, or allowing their hands to brush every time they walked side by side? Maybe definitely. But did he long for the kisses Gintoki would steal from him throughout the day? If he had a gun to his head, then yes. Yes, Hijikata Toshiro missed his idiotic, nose-picking, poor excuse of a butler so badly that every time he caught a flash of white, he would turn his head around so fast, he’d get whiplash. 

 

The black-haired samurai shook the thoughts that had been plaguing his mind for weeks. He needed a breath of fresh air. He murmured at terse good-bye, not bearing to look at the sympathetic face Shinpachi’s sister, Otae, had been giving him all week. Hijikata, Shinpachi, and Kagura had been staying at her dojo while they scoured the streets of Edo for Gintoki. 

 

The winter air brushed across Hijikata’s rosy cheeks. He tucked his hands into his pockets to try and keep warm, but he found the Shinsengumi uniform too thin to block the icy wind. After an hour of walking, he’d felt he was one step away from hypothermia. His eyes scanned the streets for any warm haven and landed on one “Otose’s Snack House.” His foot crossed the worn threshold soon enough and found a seat at the corner. There were no other occupants in the room save for one sorry, white lump in the opposite corner of the bar. At least Hijikata wasn’t as bad as that slovenly mess over there. 

 

“A bowl of miso soup with a side of mayo. And your finest bottle of sake.”

 

An old woman with red lipstick and a cigarette of her own placed a bowl of soup down and slid Hijikata a bottle of mayonnaise, no questions asked. “Sorry, son. My finest bottle of sake is being cradled like a baby by that idiot over there.”

 

Hijikata looked over to see the figure of a man slumped over the table. The stranger was wearing a white yukata with blue swirls dancing along the sleeves. A wooden bokken hung limply at the side. He couldn’t see the guy’s head since it was hidden under his arm and a thick, red scarf. 

 

“What’s wrong with him?”

 

“His lover dumped him two weeks ago and he’s been moping around ever since. It’s ridiculous, I’ve had to listen every night about how much he misses his ex. All he does is drink my bar dry and talk about how beautiful his ex-lover was.” 

 

An amanto with cat ears came up to the bar, drying a plate as she spoke. “He just talks about how much he misses kissing them and helping them get dressed in the morning. If you think that’s bad, he goes on and on about their ‘beautiful raven hair’ and ‘crystal blue eyes,’” the feline waitress said with exaggerated tone. “I’d never figured he’d get poetic when he’s this drunk. We’d cut him off, but the promise of booze is the only thing that gets him out of the house.”

 

The bar owner exhaled a puff of smoke. “I told him he should beg his lover on his knees to take his sorry ass back.”

 

Suddenly, the stranger at the end of the bar sprung back to life. Slurring his words, he said, “I told you, Old Hag, I was the one who broke it off with him!”

 

Hijikata’s mouth fell open; his cigarette dropped to the floor. “Gintoki?!”

 

Red eyes met with blue as the room grew dead silent. “Uh-oh” were the last words Gintoki said before he made a run for it. 

 

“Wait, you bastard! Come back!!” Hijikata yelled as he shot out the door to chase his errant butler. He looked left and right, but saw no white mop of hair. How could that be? That idiot just exited the bar! Did he go through an alleyway?

 

Just that moment, Kagura and Shinpachi ran down the street with groceries in their hands. They must have been out shopping for Otae. “Hijikata-sama! It’s the craziest thing, we just saw someone who resembled Gintoki run up those stairs!” Shinpachi said, pointing to the staircase hanging off the side of the bar. 

 

The trio wasted no time in dashing up the stairs and slamming the doors wide open. A humble apartment with chipping red walls and dusty, old furniture greeted the three. More determined than he had felt in the last two weeks, Hijikata ran through the apartment, jumping over furniture like it was part of an obstacle course, and found Gintoki with one foot on the window ledge, ready to jump. 

 

“Stop right there!” He made a grab for the back collar of Gintoki’s yukata, dragging him back and slinging him across the room. The once-butler landed with a heavy thud against the wall, rubbing the new bump on his head. When he managed to open his eyes again, the sharp end of a sword was pointed at the tip of his nose. The wielder of the sword was none other than his previous master flanked by his two kid employees, Kagura and Shinpachi, who for some reason had about two dozen bags of groceries between the two. He guessed correctly that most of the bags were to feed Kagura’s black hole of a stomach. 

 

“Long time no see, Master…” Gintoki held up his hands beside his head in a disarming nature. It felt weird calling Hijikata by that term since he was technically no longer in his service. As he looked into the crystal blue eyes that have haunted his dreams for the past fortnight, he finally found the courage to say the truth. “I have something to say, Hijikata-sama… I’m not really a robot.”

 

Shinpachi and Kagura gasped in surprise. The young boy looked pensive. “I had my suspicions… but I just figured they damaged your head during shipping.”

 

“What does it matter if you’re a robot or human? You break easily either way.” Kagura‘s words made the other humans in the room shudder. 

 

Gintoki didn’t know which comment to be more offended by. He glanced back at Hijikata, who stood looming over him with a dark glare, looking like he was one tick away from exploding like a volcano. 

 

“Of course you’re not really a robot! What kind of a robot, much less a butler, complains about waking up early or picks his nose? Did you think I was that much of an idiot to believe you were one?!”

 

Gintoki’s face showed a stupid look of consideration. “Kinda, yea.” That earned him a sharp blow to the head which he guessed he deserved. As he nursed another head injury, a question bubbled up in his mind. 

 

“Wait, if you knew I wasn’t a robot, then why did you let me do all those things to you?” 

 

A heavy, awkward silence strangled the room. No one needed a heart monitor to see that Hijikata’s blood pressure was rising at an alarming rate. Within a couple of seconds, every inch of Hijikata’s face had gone completely red. Even the tips of his ears looked like freshly picked strawberries. 

 

“Kagura! Shinpachi! OUT!!” He commanded at the top of his lungs. 

 

“But—“ Kagura started. 

 

“NOW!!”

 

“Damn. It was finally getting interesting,” the red-head whispered underneath her breath as she left with Shinpachi. 

 

The master and servant were finally left alone. Hijikata sheathed his sword as Gintoki gingerly stood up. Neither of them knew who should speak first. Gintoki started fidgeting with the hems of his sleeves, having nothing else to focus on but Hijikata, and that would be a bad road to go down. He had to stay firm in his decision to leave the man, but seeing Hijikata in his Shinsengumi uniform was making it difficult to remember why. Already his fingers were itching to rip apart Hijikata’s clothes and dance across his bare skin. 

 

Hijikata was the one who broke the silent stalemate. “Come back to work for me. I’ll even pay you a real salary this time.” Those were the last words the silver-haired samurai ever expected to hear from the man he had lied to for their entire relationship. 

 

“Why would you ever want me back?”

 

“Because I l—“ Hijikata strangled the word before it could leave his mouth. He coughed unconvincingly to hide his slipup. “Because despite everything, you were one hell of a butler.” He reached out an open hand. It was a fresh chance to start anew. Every fiber of Gintoki’s being screamed at him to take the hand—to reunite with the one person who could make him feel breathless every time he caught a glimpse of him. 

 

But Gintoki, the man with a martyr complex, couldn’t take it. He had betrayed Hijikata’s trust and put him in danger. He didn’t deserve a second chance to be around someone like Hijikata. He knew that he truly didn’t deserve to be with anyone. Not after all the blood he had shed and the people he had disappointed. Gintoki said nothing as he rejected Hijikata at his most vulnerable moment and turned around to leave. 

 

Hijikata couldn’t understand why the man he had shared so many intimate moments with was leaving without a word. “Wait, Gintoki—“ he reached out to grab the silver-haired samurai by the wrist. 

 

Gintoki shook Hijikata’s hold of him with unnecessary force, slapping his hand away. “Don’t you realize when you’ve been abandoned?”

 

The look on Hijikata’s face told Gintoki that shooting him in the chest would have been more merciful. All at once, Gintoki could see the walls that Hijikata had carefully broken down spring back up to guard his tender heart. 

 

“Fine. I’ll do you a favor and get out of your sight.” Hijikata’s voice was colder than the icy winds outside; his eyes burned of unshed tears. The slam of the door was the last thing Gintoki could process before he felt like his world had completely shattered around him. 

  


————

 

Hijikata walked briskly through the streets of Edo, pushing the tears out of his eyes. He wished so desperately for them to stop falling. He hadn’t felt so helpless since they put Mitsuba’s body in the ground. He was never going to step foot back into this city. He was going to stay in his mansion for the rest of his damned life. 

 

Being so emotional, his guard was down and Hijikata didn’t notice that someone had been following him for a couple of blocks. When he turned the corner, it was too late. He was met with an ambush. A group of men jumped Hijikata and wrestled him to the ground, immobilizing him at once. Before he knew it, his hands and legs were tied together and he was forced to stand with one of his attackers holding him up. 

 

Another person came slithering around the corner. Recognition dawned on Hijikata’s face. “You’re—“ But he never finished his sentence as a final blow to the head knocked him out. 

  


————

 

A barrage of knocks landed on Gintoki’s door but he paid his visitor no heed. He had regressed to his a stage of absolute dissociation. He wouldn’t speak or move from the floor until someone, most likely Otose, came barging in for the rent. That was how much it destroyed him to let Hijikata go like that.

 

“Gintoki-san!! Gintoki-san!!” It was Shinpachi. When the ex-butler still did not answer, he heard a loud bang followed by a shocked, “Kagura!!” That got him moving. Gintoki rubbed his tear stained face and went to his entrance where he found a broken door and the two kids covering their eyes. 

 

“What are you two doing here?”

 

“Are...are you decent?” Shinpachi asked. 

 

“Of course I’m decent!! I’m not some animal who walks around in the nude!”

 

The kids peaked between their fingers just to make sure, which offended Gintoki even more. 

 

“Oh…” Shinpachi began, “we thought you and Hijikata-sama had made up and were currently… consummating your relationship.”

 

Gintoki’s eyes almost bulged out of his skull. “What are you talking about?! He left two hours ago.”

 

Kagura and Shinpachi looked at each other with increasing worry in their eyes. “He should have been back to the dojo by now. He’s not picking up his phone, and it’s not like him to not tell us where he is,” Shinpachi explained.

 

Kagura turned back to Gintoki with a pleading look, “I think something’s wrong. Please, you have to help us find him.”

 

Gintoki grabbed his bokken, already out the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TT__TT that break up Scene literally hurt to write. I never wanted to hurt Hijikata like that.
> 
> ——
> 
> Who do you think the kidnapped is? I dropped a hint in the previous chapter


	8. One Hell of a Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg Omg I finally posted the final chapter!!!! HUZZAH HUZZAH

Hijikata pulled helplessly at the chains encircling his wrists and ankles. He had woken up a few moments ago, finding himself chained to a wall with his jacket and shirt unbuttoned, exposing his torso to the cold air. He surmised from the distant hum of an engine and the popping of his ears that he was aboard a spaceship. He didn't know exactly how long it had been since he’d been knocked out, but it wasn’t probably more than a few hours at most. Hopefully Shinpachi and Kagura had noticed that something was amiss by now. 

 

The door creaked as it opened, sounding like the wail of a dying creature and in walked the human version of Hijikata’s worst headache. Takasugi Shinsuke had been a thorn in Hijikata’s side since he first fully came into the role as the Shogun’s dog. No matter how many traps he laid out for Takasugi, he was always one step ahead. Never figured that the bastard would be shorter than him though. When he voiced that thought aloud, he received a good old fashioned punch to the stomach. How petty. 

 

“What do you want, Takasugi?”

 

“You know, I never figured that one of the most important cogs in the Bakufu was some hermit living in the woods. So you’re the one taking out the trash that the Shogun can’t care enough to do himself?”

 

“How did you find out about me?”

 

Takasugi took a drag from his golden pipe. He gazed at Hijikata with a cold, calculated look. “Since you’ll probably die soon enough, I might as well tell you as an act of charity.” He smirked, looking at that man like a bug he couldn’t wait to squash beneath his foot. 

 

“I have a mole in Kagura’s little playtime anarchist group. That little birdie told me about their failed mission at your mansion. I would have never tried to go myself with my lack of manpower, but you practically fell into my lap when you came sniffing around in my territory back in the city.”

 

Takasugi blew out the smoke from his lungs right into Hijikata’s face, making him cough. “It’s simple, really. I just want enough information to tear the Bakufu from the inside out.”

 

“You must be an idiot if you’d think I would be handing you any information over.”

 

Takasugi took the pipe from his lips, only to slowly drag it across Hijikata’s bare skin. The head of the pipe was blazing hot, leaving a tender trail of inflamed nerves along the samurai’s flesh. Hijikata clenched his jaw and stilled his face, not giving the bastard any satisfaction of seeing him in pain. 

 

“Don’t worry. There are many ways to make you scream.”

 

—

 

Shinpachi and Kagura looked at the broad back of the butler, inspired by Gintoki’s sudden burst of energy. They followed the man out of the apartment like tiny ducklings only to be lead back to the bar where Gintoki sat his ass down to order another drink. 

 

“What are you doing?! I thought we were going to rescue Hijikata-sama?!” Shinpachi yelled, incredulous. 

 

Like a jaded old man, Gintoki shot back, “Hijikata wants nothing to do with me. I made sure of it. Go save him yourself.”

 

Kagura almost spat at the silver-haired butler in her anger. Grabbing her bespectacled coworker, she left the bar and said, “if this is what grownups are like, I hope I never grow up to be one. Let’s go, Shinpachi.” 

 

Otose looked at the two kids storming out of her bar and glanced back at her tenant. “I’ve never been more disappointed in you.” She gestured her green-haired maid over. “Tama, get this emotionally constipated bum out of my bar. Don’t come back until you get your head screwed on straight.”

 

Though Gintoki didn’t show it, a heavy weight sunk into his chest. It was the first time Otose had ever said such bitter, disappointed words. He’d rather take another one of her beatings she’d give for late rent checks than to hear such words from the closest thing he’d ever have to a mother figure. With spirits sinking lower than ever, he went to the only place left who wouldn’t ever turn away a paying customer until their wallets were sucked dry: Snack Smile. 

 

The white-haired man stumbled dejectedly into the cabaret, sinking into a booth. Before he could get an order in, a huge, hairy mass flew at him and he would have gotten knocked out if he had ducked a second later. 

 

“Oi!! Is this how you treat your customers?!” He yelled at the guilty party in question. It was an unassuming brunette wearing a peach yukata tied with a blue obi. She had one of those fake customer service smiles plastered on her face, which had the words “don’t mess with me, bitch” written underneath the surface. Gintoki backed down, instantaneously knowing she was not one to cross. 

 

A pained groan came out of the heavy mass that almost killed him. Wait a minute, Gintoki recognized these gorilla-like features and it wasn’t from the zoo. “Kondo?!”

 

“Oh, hey, it’s Gintoki!” He immediately jumped up, connecting the dots. “Toshi has been looking all over for you!!” He started pulling the errant butler out of the booth without another thought. 

 

Gintoki pulled back harshly, not swayed by Kondo’s enthusiasm. “No, I won’t go.” The Shinsengumi commander was shocked by his refusal. “I—I don’t deserve to stand by his side. I lied. I betrayed him.” A flood of guilt flowed out with the hurt. 

 

Kondo’s eyes softened as he looked at Gintoki for what he really was, a vulnerable person terrified of getting hurt like everyone else. 

 

“You know, Gintoki. When Hijikata lost his family to the fire, he’d barely talk to anyone, even me. I thought he would improve after meeting Mitsuba, but she was taken away from him too soon.” Kondo looked pensive as he reflected on such a difficult time. “I was surprised when he had taken in those two kids. I figured he had wanted to emulate my mentoring, but he was still pretty closed off to the people within hands reach of him.”

 

The brunette turned to face Gintoki directly with more resolve. “But I had never seen him open up to anyone more than he had with you. He’d barely slept or ate during these past two weeks. I only got him to rest when I said that his butler didn’t spend so much time taking care of a master just so that he would let himself go so easily. If Toshi cared so much about you to the point that he would forget himself, whatever happened between you two wouldn’t break your strong bond. You deserve whatever you think you deserve, and I believe you two deserve each other.”

 

“We can’t necessarily choose our blood relatives, but family can be tied by more than blood. Toshi is not my flesh and blood, but I care for him just as such. Sougo and Mitsuba as well, may she rest in peace.” Kondo paused, smiling at this truth he had never admitted out loud. “What I’m saying is that some families are made. But some are found. Haven’t you found yours, Gintoki?”

 

Every ounce of Gintoki screamed “Yes!!” His brain finally came back to him, yelling at him to go save Hijikata. “I have to go save Master!!”

 

——

 

“Look. I don’t know what kind of prank you kids are pulling but I’m not going to just give you my car.”

 

Kagura had her fingers on the car mirror and in her anger, snapped it off like a twig. The cop immediately grew alert (and kind of scared of this little girl). He turned to speak into his radio. “Calling for backup. Possible 10-40 in Kabukicho.”

 

After seeing the two kids around the corner near Otose’s shop, Gintoki finally reached the group and slammed his hands on the car to get everyone’s attention. “I’m an adult!” He announced without any real plan; he’d just thought it was worth mentioning.

 

The cop peered at him through the glass, wondering if the three had any loose screws. “Like I told the kids here, I understand your boss is missing, but you have to wait 24 hours before you can file a missing report.”

 

“Is this what my taxes go into?!” Gintoki yelled with exasperation. “For you to sit on your ass while real crime is happening?” 

 

Before the butler could say another word, Sougo arrived in his own police patrol car, looking like he would rather be anywhere else but here. 

 

The nervous cop immediately stepped out of his car, saluting the Commander of the Shinsengumi. “Sougo-san!! It is a pleasure to—“ He didn’t get a chance to finish his salute as Gintoki pulled the man by his coat and shoved him to the ground.

 

“Hurry up and get in!” Gintoki commanded the two brats. 

 

“Yes sir!” Kagura and Shinpachi shouted as they threw caution to the wind and jumped into their new stolen ride. 

 

Shinpachi jumped in and peered at the shell-shocked Shinsengumi members in the mirror. “Wait, did we just commit grand theft auto against the police?!”

 

“It’s fine! Master will take care of it!” Gintoki yelled without looking back. 

 

Kagura watched Gintoki from the back seat, still a bit apprehensive. “So what finally made you change your mind?”

 

“I finally pulled my head out of my own ass,” Gintoki stayed bluntly. The red headed girl smiled widely, accepting such a response. She whooped and cheered as the car came alive under, looking like a mirage as it sped down the streets of Kabukicho. 

 

Suddenly, Gintoki spotted long black hair in a billowing light blue yukata followed by a giant white duck. “Brace yourselves!!” He barely gave time for the two to do such a thing as he slammed the brakes, stopping right by the two pedestrians. “Kagura, pull those two inside the car.” 

 

“Gintoki?! What are you doing here in Edo?” Katsura asked in surprise as Gintoki started the engine once more and sped through the road, ignoring every law there was. 

 

“Cut the crap, Zura. Tell me where Takasugi is. _Now.”_

 

Zura face twisted in consternation. Takasugi wasn’t technically an ally, but he was hesitant to give away such an old comrade. 

 

Gintoki made eye contact with Katsura in the mirror. “Zura, you owe me one,” he said, clearly referring to the night his old comrade almost sliced him in two. “You actually owe me a lot more.”

 

Katsura sighed as he resigned to Gintoki’s wishes. “Fine… Takasugi is aboard a large cargo shipment full of Amanto black market weapons. The ship is scheduled to fly across Edo bay.” 

 

The butler swerved a sharp corner, causing the four in the back to groan as everyone was shoved into each other by the momentum. As he drove into an alley where they could see the sea, Katsura looked up to see a cargo spaceship with a Takasugi’s telltale golden symbol on it. “There it is!”  

 

“Hey, does anyone know if these police cars can fly?” Gintoki asked half-heartedly as he did nothing to slow down the car speeding off the small dock. “Guess we’ll find out!!” He slammed his hands into the array of buttons on the dashboard and a slew of chain reactions ensued. Somehow the car was simultaneously dispensing green tea and shooting fireworks from its tailpipe. But more importantly, two metal wings sprouted from the sides of the cars, saving the crew from a watery death. 

 

“Kagura, boot them!” Gintoki barked at the teenage girl. “Sir, yes, sir!!” Kagura saluted with a huge grin on a face. She had always wanted to make someone walk the proverbial plank. Opening the door and ignoring the refusals from the two fugitives, she kicked the two out to plummet into the ocean below. 

 

“This is payback!!” The butler yelled out the window at Katsura, still _just_ a bit bitter about that night at the manor. 

 

“Will they be okay?!” Shinpachi asked, flabbergasted. But as he saw Katsura float down seamlessly with a parachute with the weird duck clinging to him, he quickly surmised those two were the type to always land on their feet.  

 

Yorozuya and company raced through sky, throttling towards the spaceship with no thought out plan. But that was always his style. “Shinpachi, take the wheel!!”

 

Shinpachi’s glasses almost flew off his face in shock. “But I don’t have a license!” Gintoki gave him no choice, however, as he shimmied out the window and climbed onto the roof of the car. Between the warship and the big, blue ocean hundreds of feet below, Shinpachi briefly wondered which deity he pissed off to deserve this. The boy veered left, praying that the butler wouldn’t fly off, but Gintoki predicted as much and stabbed the roof with his bokken, stabilizing himself atop the car. 

 

Gintoki pulled out his Lake Toya sword, sworn by the late night commercials that it could cut through anything, and jammed it into the bow of the ship. His arms strained as he held tight onto the sword as Shinpachi continued to drive the car on the side of the ship. The sword tore through the massive cargo ship, slicing through the metal like Christmas wrapping paper. 

 

Like it was returning home, the bow started tipping downwards towards the ocean. It appeared that Gintoki had somehow hit the gravity core, causing gravity field to slowly deteriorate. As Takasugi’s warship tilted, groaning under the sudden weight, the Shinsengumi finally arrived at the dock, watching the scene unfold before them. Yamazaki’s mouth fell open, aghast. “This is NOT what I meant when I said I wanted to watch _Titanic_ today!” 

 

Back at the ship, Gintoki ordered Shinpachi to fly the car up to the deck, dropping Gintoki and Kagura off. By that point dozens of Takasugi’s henchmen rushed outside to see what the hell was happening. With Kagura’s monstrous strength, she easily cleared a path for Gintoki as he ran to search deeper within the ships. Shinpachi, the poor boy, had no idea how to brake the car, sending it crashing into the doors on the deck, effectively leaving Kagura and himself to deal with a couple dozen of mean-looking amanto and soldiers. 

 

Kagura flashed a winning smile, stole a sword off of a guy she had beat up, and threw it over to Shinpachi. “Come on, Shinpachi-kun, let’s make master proud!”

  
  


—

 

Takasugi stepped out of the hostage room, hearing the groaning of the ship as he felt his center of gravity tilt. His gunslinging henchwoman, Kijima, ran up to him. “Takasugi-sama, the front gravity core has been destroyed by an outside threat. Our visuals say that it was the Shinsengumi! I have no idea how they managed to discover our plans!” 

 

The leader remained silent—his gut telling him that this wasn’t the work of those blasted government dogs. It seemed a bit _too_ reckless. “Kijima, go to the control room and reroute all energy to the engine. There’s a chance we can get this ship out of Edo Bay, which means that the Shinsengumi would have no jurisdiction. That should give us enough time to recoup.” The blonde girl nodded before running through the narrow hallway towards the center of the ship. 

 

——

  
  


Gintoki ran like a madman looking through all the rooms on the ship. When he saw a hint of purple turning the corner, he narrowly managed to duck back behind a wall. That was definitely Takasugi, which meant that Hijikata must be close. He counted a couple seconds before he launched into a sprint down a hallway. When he finally entered the room and bore witness to his master chained by his wrists, Gintoki’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach.

 

“Hijikata-sama!!” Gintoki wasted no second slashing his master’s chains to the floor. “What did they do to you? Why are you shirtless?” The butler quickly took off his yukata to wrap it around Hijikata and handed him a sword he took from one of the henchmen. 

 

Instead of any normal response, Hijikata’s fist connected squarely with Gintoki’s cheek. 

 

“WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!” Gintoki yelled as he clutched his bleeding nose with his hand. “Remind me to not save your tight ass off a sinking ship every again!!”

 

“I’m not some damsel in distress that you can just come and save whenever you want!!”

 

“So you strapped to the wall shirtless is the opposite of ‘distress’?” The air quotes around “distress” were heavy with sarcasm. 

 

“Why are you even _here_? You made it perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with me.” 

 

“I was an idiot back then!”

 

“You’re _still_ an idiot now!”

 

Gintoki surmised that was a fair assessment. The tension escalated to new highs when Kijima burst onto the scene with several henchmen. 

 

“Take them down! Don’t bust up the pretty boy too much. We still need him for intel.” All at once bullets and swords sliced the air. Gintoki and Hijikata were surrounded by at least a dozen attackers. Gintoki deflected the first punch, swinging his sword at three men, sending them flying to the wall. 

 

Finally, a good excuse to beat the shit out of people. It felt cathartic for Gintoki to take out his frustration on these fuckers who definitely deserved what was coming to them. Talking to Hijikata was like yelling at a brick wall right now. A bullet whizzed by, but Gintoki deflected it before it could burrowing into his master’s chest.

 

Instead of thanking him, Hijikata admonished, “Why the hell did you bring a wooden stick to a sword and gun fight?!”

 

“Why the hell are you bringing your attitude to this battle?!”

 

Hijikata could care less if Gintoki took a sword to the gut, but his body still moved on its own to protect his errant butler. One by one, the black and white duo took their enemies down with brutal swings of their swords. Now only Kijima was left with her two pistols pointed at their heads, but even she knew these two were faster than her bullets. 

 

“Master, we need to leave _now!_ ” Gintoki pleaded with the most irritating boss in existence. 

 

“ _Master?_ I never thought I’d see the day the White Demon become domesticated,” a smooth, dark voice slithered into the room. Takasugi’s presence silenced the scene as all eyes turned on him. 

 

Hijikata felt like he’d been punched in the gut. “Do you know _him_? Have you been conspiring with him to capture me all this time?” A flood of rage and hurt flooded his insides, drowning out all sense of reason. Every word, every caress—was each one a lie? 

 

Gintoki blanched, “I know how this looks, but it’s not—“ 

 

Hijikata gave no warning as he closed the distance between them in a flash. His sword came down like a hammer of justice. Gintoki barely managed to block it with his bokken. His arms strained under the weight of Hijikata’s strength, pushing him down into the floor. The ship’s increasing descension into the ocean wasn’t helping that much either. 

 

“Why should I even believe you?” Hijikata had no time to process the flood of emotions crashing into him. Gintoki was the first person he had truly opened up to since Mitsuba had passed away. Before Gintoki fell into his life, he had almost given up hope of ever finding a sort of love that could sustain him. He knew that all the wealth in the world could never buy the warmth that burrowed into his chest every time Gintoki touched Hijikata. But he would have also forsaken his wealth to never feel the stabbing hurt of betrayal when he woke up in a bed cold and devoid of Gintoki. 

 

Hijikata was no idiot. He knew from the first second Gintoki opened his mouth that this charlatan was no robot. But Hijikata had fooled himself into thinking otherwise. It had been so freeing to simply just _be_ with someone who would accept him for what he was. No more sycophants lapping at his wealth. No more backbreaking expectations for how a lord was supposed to act. But perhaps he had just been bored and curious of what kind of weirdo would pretend to pose as a robot. Regardless, their entire relationship was based on lies, so how could Hijikata bring himself to believe in Gintoki? 

 

“Because I love you!!” Nothing could be heard except the confession echoing off the metal walls of the room. This was the first time Gintoki had ever bared his naked soul to anyone. He wished that Takasugi and the blonde girl wasn’t part of this though. 

 

“You _WHAT_ me?!”

 

“I’ve loved since I first laid my eyes on you, as irritating as it is to admit! I love your stupid, stubborn tight ass!”

 

“Stop talking about my ass!” Hijikata had half a mind to cover his behind, but that would have been more embarrassing. Gintoki couldn’t help it. He was an ass man. “I love the way you wake up in the morning. I love how much you love mayonnaise. Don’t get me wrong, I want to barf every time you drown your meal in that white shit, but I love it because it makes you happy. I love how you moan when I—“

 

“Is this _really_ the most appropriate time?” Kijima said as she seriously considered shooting this love comedy in the bud.

 

Ignoring the woman, Gintoki continued, “You’re everything that I am and everything that I’m not, and I love you all the more for it.”

 

Hijikata was speechless. He didn’t know whether or not to barf at such an embarrassing confession, but by the uncomfortable look on Gintoki’s face, Hijikata could tell that his butler was close to doing so himself. It wasn’t until this moment that he figured out that the butler was almost as emotionally constipated as he was, if not more so and that confession was way too much vulnerability for the decade. Being so honest and open about their emotions made them feel like they were seasick. It was either that or the fact that they were on a sinking ship. 

 

Taking advantage of the duo’s distraction, Takasugi launched across the room, aiming his sword at Hijikata’s neck. Almost a year of preparation had gone into this warship and the Shinsengumi was sniffing at its bow, no thanks to this government mutt. Before his sword could eat into the man’s unguarded skin, Gintoki caught the blade with his bare hand as he was still holding off Hijikata with his bokken. Blood splattered across Hijikata’s face like a morbid watercolor painting, and he lost all ability to breathe. 

 

The ship lurched, its axis more off-centered than the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Hijikata turned his sword at Takasugi, fully intending to slice the fugitive in half, but Kijima sent a warning shot, making the samurai miss by a hair’s breadth. 

 

“Takasugi-sama! We have to leave the ship at once!! Please follow me to the escape pod!” Takasugi looked reluctant to willingly let go of his prey, but he was forced to acquiesce nonetheless. 

 

Hijikata moved to follow them, but Kijima shot one more bullet at Gintoki. Mercy was not in the air tonight. The white-haired samurai twisted his body, but it still managed to graze him. He doubled over in pain and his master immediately came to his side, holding him up with an arm around his shoulder. “Shit! Where did she hit you?!” The panic in his voice was palpable.

 

“Don’t worry. It barely grazed me, but it opened up my wound from Zura. Man, I need better friends,” he still managed to joke despite their current predicament. Ignoring the fact that Gintoki admitted to being friends with not one, but two of the nation’s top terrorist, Hijikata carried the injured man out into the main deck. 

 

Before they could assess the situation, the ship violently lurched, its gravity core dying for good. With nothing to keep the ship afloat, it went plummeting towards the sea below. Hijikata and Gintoki went flying over the edge due to the ship’s momentum. Hijikata managed to grab the edge and Gintoki’s hand, but he wouldn't be able to bring the two back on board. Just as his fingers were about to let go, the sound of an engine could be heard behind them. 

 

“Did somebody call for backup?” It was Sougo driving a police car with Kagura and Shinpachi in the back seat. He maneuvered the car so that the hood was close enough for Gintoki to drop onto it. Hijikata precariously followed, landing on top of his butler with an “oomph.” Gintoki instinctively wrapped his arms around his master’s waist to keep him from rolling off. 

 

They laid there, staring deep into each other’s eyes, unable to say a word amidst the chaos around them. 

 

Hijikata could not contain himself any longer. He brought a hand to Gintoki’s face, softly stroking his cheek. Loud enough for only Gintoki to hear, he confessed, “I love you, too, you know.”

 

A smile tugged at the butler’s lips. “I know.” Gintoki didn’t have to wait long until Hijikata closed the distance between their lips. They would have continued if not for the windshield wipers turning on and hitting the two in the head. Sougo interrupted them with the police car speakerphone, “please stop sucking face. There are minors present.” They turned to see the disgusted faces of the kids, “I will not hesitate to send you to the ocean below.” Knowing Sougo, that was more of a promise than a threat. 

 

Hijikata sighed but continued to softly smile at his lover beneath him. They can wait to kiss again. They had all the time in the world. 

 

——

  
  


Hijikata and Gintoki spent the next few weeks crafting a new routine. Hijikata used his connections (and money) to remove Gintoki from the most wanted list, so the white-haired man could finally show his face in the city again. And Gintoki, of course, now received payment for his services, since he was technically no longer employed as a robot. 

 

The master was finally coming out of his shell. They started spending a couple of days at Gintoki’s place in Kabukicho, which eventually turned into the majority of the time. Still, Hijikata couldn’t get used to how cramp the apartment was, so he offered Gintoki’s landlady an exorbitant amount of cash to allow him to build a third floor. Now Kagura and Sadaharu could lounge around on the second floor, while Gintoki and Hijikata took over the third floor. Shinpachi had no problem moving back to the city as he now got to spend more time with his sister. The makeshift family of oddballs still went back to Hijikata’s manor during the weekends to breathe some fresh air. 

 

Hijikata was currently sitting in their shared room, scanning the paperwork littering the low table. His eyelids grew heavy, but his innate need to be a busybody would not allow him to stop working. He was dressed in one of Gintoki’s white with blue swirls yukata, his casual choice of clothing when he was lounging in the apartment. 

 

Suddenly, he felt a warm hand snake along the sides of his waist. He jolted up, wide awake. “What are you doing, you pervert?!” 

 

“Distracting you. The sun’s already gone down, so now I wanna go down on you.”

 

Hijikata grimaced, but the tips of his ears still grew red. He would have punched Gintoki for such a comment, but the man was still healing from his injury. “I _told_ you. No dirty stuff until you’re fully healed.”

 

Gintoki rummaged through his pockets to show Hijikata a crumpled note. “Take a look at this! The doctor said I’m clear for takeoff.”

 

The master squinted at the note, which read “yes, you are cleared for sex. _Please_ stop asking.”

 

“Do you have any shame?”

 

“Nope!” Gintoki happily admitted as he pushed his master to the ground and proceeded to run his hand up and down his chest. He pulled the yukata barely passed Hijikata’s biceps, so it made it difficult for the black-haired man to fight back as Gintoki bridal carried him to their shared futon.  

 

“You have _no_ idea how hard it was to not rip my clothes off you everytime I see you wearing my yukata.”

 

“I’ve been wearing your yukata for the past week.”

 

Gintoki swooped down to steal a kiss from the unguarded Hijikata. “I know. It’s been absolute torture.” He wasted no time stripping Hijikata of his clothes, throwing them haphazardly across the room. 

 

“My yukata looks great on you, but it looks better on the floor,” Gintoki whispered hotly as he mouthed at his master’s ear. His hand slithered down to palm at Hijikata’s hardening dick, relishing in the fact that the man was feeling it, too, despite his half-hearted protests. His fingers easily found their way between his lover’s legs and plunged into the velvety heat he’d been thinking about for weeks. Although they had already gone so far, the couple had never gotten to _this_ point. 

 

Gintoki almost drew back in surprise. “You—“

 

“Yes, I already prepared myself,” Hijikata pushed out, mortified beyond belief. He knew it would have been better to admit it himself than allow the lecherous monster to describe such an embarrassing act. 

 

Gintoki smirked, pushing another finger easily in, and began to massage Hijikata’s prostate. The lord could not help but instinctively spread his legs wider as he let out an unabridged whimper. 

 

“Tell me, what did you think about? Did you think about all the times I deep-throated your cock? Or when you choked on mine? How about that time I made you come with just your doll?”

 

_“Yes…”_

 

The grin on Gintoki’s face could not have stretched wider. He could no longer wait. He repositioned himself between his lover’s legs, impatiently trying to roll on a condom with some difficulty. 

 

Hijikata grabbed his wrist to get his attention. “It’s okay,” his face was up in flames, “I want you to come inside me.”

 

Gintoki would have come right there if it wasn’t for his last ounce of self-control. 

 

In one motion, the butler pushed himself in as Hijikata’s arms wrapped around him tightly. The two let out a gracious moan as they felt how fully Gintoki filled Hijikata. 

 

Gintoki found it difficult to craft any sounds beyond incoherent grunts as he shifted his body, but he managed to push out, “I’m going to start moving.”

 

Hijikata nodded and reluctantly let go of his butler and fell to the futon below, his hands and feet twisting into the blanket as he canted his hips upwards to give Gintoki a better angle. 

 

Gintoki loved the way Hijikata’s waist fit so nicely in his hands and began to give short thrusts into his body, aiming for the spot that launched his master into a complete meltdown. Already he could see tears forming at the corner of his master’s eyes. He never looked more beautiful. 

 

Before long, Gintoki’s pace increased to the point that each passing moment was filled with the wet slapping of their bodies and their fast, labored breaths. Hijikata’s nails clawed their way down his butler’s back as he could no longer contain himself. His long drawn out moan barely warned Gintoki of his orgasm. Thick, ribbons of come stained his front as his body convulsed around Gintoki’s aching dick. 

 

Gintoki, like a true champion, kept fucking Hijikata through his orgasm. But the sight of Hijikata writhing helplessly beneath him, stained with tears and come, catapulted the butler into his own orgasm that struck him like lightning. 

 

The butler’s elbows came to rest by his master’s head, caging Hijikata in. He dropped his head down to give his master a sultry kiss before pulling out and flipping his master onto his hands and knees. Hijikata couldn’t even let out a yell of surprise as his face was buried into the pillow.  Gintoki plunged into Hijikata again, his body practically insatiable. It was a good thing Hijikata paid extra to soundproof the apartment, because Gintoki was going to worship his master’s body all night long.

  
  


_The End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it!! This work will always have a special place in my heart as it’s the first multi-chapter fic I’ve truly ever finished!! 
> 
> What a wild ride it’s been 
> 
> Thank you for joining me :3


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